So Long 2013: Lift my Life Up (Tuesday Tunes)

As I was reflecting on the past year I wanted to come up with a song that could put it in words how I feel. There are so many that God has used in my heart over the past year or so so I think that I am going to start a temporary "Tuesday Tunes" series to blog about favorite songs. For today though I found a post that I'd started a couple of months ago about a song that I heard on the radio and loved. Below is that post, with some additions I've made today.

A few weeks ago I heard a song on FLN online. I caught the first few words as I was in the middle of doing something else:

You brought me this far
So why would I question you now
You have provided
So why would I start to doubt

As I worked on dinner or whatever I was doing the words kept repeating in my mind. I could have written those very words. That is the cry of my heart. I needed to know the rest of the words so I got on the internet to try to figure out what song it was so I could look up the lyrics and see if I could hear it again. I finally found the recent songs playlist and from it figured out that it was probably "Lift My Life Up" by Unspoken. I searched for it on youtube to listen to it again and only found this video of a live performance. I listened to it a couple of times and searched for the lyrics online somewhere. It was kind of difficult because it turns out that the song wasn't actually going to be released for a couple of days. I guess that FLN got an advance copy.

I finally found the words on another radio station's website and they resonated with so much in our lives in the past, in the present, in the future. It goes so well with the Anything study I am doing.

You brought me this far so why would I question You now
You have provided so why would I start to doubt
I've never been stranded, abandoned, or left to fight alone
So I'm giving You control
(Chorus) I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord, I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up
Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me

If this is a river, then let it sweep over me
If I'm under fire, I know it's refining me
When I hear you calling out
I follow now wherever the road may go
I know You're leading me home

(Chorus) Take my life and let it be
All for You
Take my life and let it be
All for You

I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
Take my life

(Chorus)

My whole life God has been at work in my heart about seeking Him and wanting His way in my life. This has been especially true over the last year as we sought Him about where we should go for residency and handed Him our options with open hands asking Him to pick, knowing that He would put us in the place that would be the best for us even if it was not the place that we would prefer. We truly wanted what He wanted more than we wanted what we wanted because we know that His way is always better.

So now we are in Fort Worth, TX. "A big change from Upstate New York" as everyone says. Texas is not a place I would have ever chosen to live but I know that God has a reason for bringing us here and we have given Him control. He has allowed many trials into our lives in or short time here. I know that He is refining me and leading me home as the song says.

 This year hasn't been easy with the crazy hours of intern year, the emotional ups and downs that all the changes we have encountered have provided personally and in our family, the challenges of finding people and making friends, homeschooling, the heat, the cold, the break-in, the dog, the chicken, etc.  But God... "You brought me this far so why would I question You now, You have provided so why would I start to doubt, I've never been stranded, abandoned, or left to fight alone, So I'm giving You control"

This song has been a reminder of God's faithfulness and that I can trust Him no matter what challenges He allows. He has brought us this far through moves, friendships, years of waiting, fun times, rejection, acceptance, loss, gain. We have never been alone. I can let Him control my life.

So "I lift my life, lift my life up, I give it all in surrender, I lift my heart, lift my heart up, You can have it forever, All my dreams, all my plans, Lord, I leave it in Your hands. I lift my life, lift my life up
Have Your way in me."

As I look back on 2013 I am so grateful for how God has taken care of us, allowed pain into our lives, given us SO many blessings and showed us more of who He is. As I worked through the 20 questions to review 2013 the last one was "Create a phrase or statement that describes this past year for you." My answer was "learn and lean in through the changes that God allows in your life." I look forward to getting to know Him more in 2014 and the pain and blessings He will bring into our lives over the next 12 months should the Lord tarry.

So long 2013.

The Jesus Storybook Bible: $1.99 on Kindle now (What's Working Wednesday)

 I want to make a plug for The Jesus Storybook Bible. It's only $1.99 right now on Kindle (probably temporarily, Amazon changes prices all the time so check the price before you by it though it is worth paying full price). NOTE: THIS DEAL HAS EXPIRED. We were originally given a copy of this book when we first started going to Missio Church and they were using it as a tool to use with the kids as they were preaching an overview of the Bible in a year.

This year we are reading though The Jesus Storybook Bible as our advent readings with an ebook guide I downloaded here. In the ebook there are little ornaments to color and decorate that go along with each of the stories. (I was planning on hanging them with little clothes pins on twine on our mirror but since none of them have been colored yet maybe I'll just stick them in our Christmas box so we can do it next year.)

We have read it most nights though this month and many times I have had tears run down my cheeks in amazement at God's plan and His "Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love." I love this book. It's not perfect. There are some things that are said in ways that I wouldn't have said but I really do like it. I especially love how every Bible story that is shared points to the main character of the Bible: Jesus. As it says in the introductory first story: "There are lots of stories in the Bible, but all the stories are telling one Big Story. The Story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them."

We read Jonah tonight with our Advent devotional and even Jonah points us to Jesus:

     "Many years later, God was going to send another Messenger with the same wonderful message. Like Jonah, he would spend three days in utter darkness.
     "But this Messenger would be God's own Son. He would be called "The Word" because he himself would be God's Message. God's Message translated into our own language. Everything God wanted to say to the whole world - in a Person."

We have the hardcover version of the book but we bought the Kindle version today and tonight we were able to all see it without passing it around and all read along because it had been downloaded to our Nooks and a laptop. The pictures are great. The kids loved it! These stories really bring out the  expression in their voices as they read (and exclaim in wonder at what we've read). They really get into these stories.

If you don't already own a copy of The Jesus Storybook Bible I would highly recommend you buy this Kindle edition now while it is only $1.99. It will not work on a phone but it will work on most larger devices with the Kindle App. Even if you don't have a tablet you can get Kindle for your computer and read it on your computer screen. If you haven't done that yet (which you should - Kindle offers great free books often) I would do it just to have this book.

OK, commercial over - and I'm not even getting anything for this free advertisement ;)

NOTE: I just saw on the Jesus Storybook Bible facebook page that this book is free through 1/5/14 but I would still spend the $2 today to buy it and not wait and forget (I hate when I do that!). It will also give you a chance to read though the before Jesus is born on earth stories before Christmas.

I haven't done one in a while but  I guess this is my What's Working Wednesday post for the week. It is working for us. I'm sure it would work for you too ;)

Where We Went (Fall of 2012 through Spring of 2013)

We spent a lot of the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013 travelling and living out of our minivan for residency interviews, second looks, service opportunities, visiting friends and family, family vacation, etc. Last month I found a website that someone linked to on facebook that you could color code a map of the US. I had posted our map to facebook back then but wanted to put our map on our blog so we could look back at it/ find it in the future.

In the fall of 2012 through spring of 2013:
Green: we lived there
Purple: we slept there more than 1 night
Orange: we slept there 1 night
Pink: we drove through
I'm not 100% certain we drove in MI and I think CO may have only been 1 night though we had 2 interviews there. It was a fun, crazy few months! We got to see some awesome sights and spend time with some great people. 

 You can make your own color coded map of places you've been, places you've lived, place you want to go, etc. here.

Mommy Guilt

Mommy guilt/ envy is one thing that I think all moms deal with. There are no perfect moms. There is always going to be someone who is more _________ than you are. Mommy guilt/envy comes in many forms and many faces.

Yesterday I had an attack of mommy guilt. In the mail we got the cutest invitation for a birthday party from some friends for their son. As soon as I saw it all kind of thoughts ran through my mind. After the initial, "That is one of the cutest invitations I've ever seen!" thought all kinds of self deprecating thoughts came after me, "I'm a horrible mom because... I never organize fun birthday parties for my kids, I never make fun invitations, I'm totally not organized enough to get invitations to people three weeks before an event, etc, etc, etc." This was all magnified because I really don't do birthdays well which always makes me feel guilty and because my baby turns 8 next week and she and her sisters were planning her birthday party and making invitations with crayons and pencils to hand out at church on Sunday afternoon so people could be informed a few days before her "party" (AKA hopefully have a couple friends over and probably paint nails and eat cake). "Oh, why am I not together enough to throw my own kid a birthday party so she has to plan it herself??"

Glenn had just gotten home and he saw the direction of my thoughts and my wonderful husband asked me a simple question, "Did you ever just have a two year old?"

That caused me to pause and reflect. I have just had a 2 year old. For one month. The party we threw when that little guy turned 2 was a big event- we stayed up late several nights before it making fish out of Starbursts and Laffy Taffy for his amazing aquarium cake and creating fun Veggie Tale themed carnival games to play. We had made cute invitations and I made homemade pizza for the 30+ people of all ages that came to help us celebrate that wonderful occasion. I did just have a 2 year old back then. His sister came a month later. I've not thrown a party like that since.

I'm thankful for my dear husband helping me with my perspective yesterday. I'm not a big party person. I feel mommy guilt/ envy often when I see pictures of the spectacular birthday extravaganzas from people who are that they have for their kids and think that I really should do all of that but I don't. I don't have big parties for my kids. They get homemade cinnamon rolls and a favorite meal for their birthday - usually Hawaiian Haystacks. They sometimes have a friend or two over if we've met people where we are living at the time or are not homeless. One child didn't have a cake until a couple of months after the birthday had passed because of the sickness and chaos in our lives that was going on at the time, another child got to celebrate while living in someone else's house two years in a row. As a general rule birthdays are simple events in our home but the kids still feel loved and special and they've never complained they don't get extravaganzas every year.

It is enough. I am enough. God didn't give my kids a great party planning mom but He knew what He was doing and for some reason in His infinite plan He gave them me. Imperfect, disorganized, not a party planner me.

I surrender my mommy guilt and envy to God once again. I can't live anyone else's life. I get to live mine. I am not anyone else. I am me. The me that God created perfectly for His plan and purpose and to glorify Him.

For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]. (Ephesians 2:10 AMP)

Five Minute Friday: Tree

About 4 years ago I drove to the grocery store quick to pick up some food after Glenn got home from school and the kids were put to bed. On the way there I noticed a big Christmas tree box on the side of the road a few blocks away. When I got home I told Glenn about it and asked him if he wanted to go check it out with me. We went and grabbed it figuring we could put in on our curb if it didn't work. It was a 7.5 foot prelit tree that was in great condition except the prelit part didn't work. That was OK with us. We had lights. We had thought about buying a tree after Christmas that year when they went on clearance but God gave us one before Christmas for free (very helpful on a medical student outgo).

 The previous Christmas we had covered a pile of boxes we'd stacked in our living room to look like a tree with a green sheet and put lights on it. 

 It looked nice in the dark and it was fun to make. There wouldn't have been room in that little 600sq ft house for a 3D tree anyway.

The year before that we had to throw out our old hand me down fake tree from my aunt and uncle because it was all falling apart.

Every time I see advertisements for prelit trees I smile and thank God again for our tree. A friend wondered yesterday what to do with her tree that the prelits didn't work anymore. My suggestions: put your own lights on it or give it away and bless someone with it. I know our tree was a huge blessing to us through our med school years and it moved with us to TX so we'll get to use it again here.

Linking up with LisaJo for Five Minute Friday. 

Five Minute Friday: Grace

God's

Riches

At

Christ's 

Expense

That's what I have been given a lot of. Grace. So amazing. So free to me. So costly to the One who has given it to me. God has given me so much that I don't deserve.

3 things have come to mind with the word "grace." 5 Minutes doesn't give me much time but there they are:

1. The Youngest Pilgrim by J.G. Green. A great little book I found at the church library that we've read aloud in the past couple of weeks about a boy in Korea who meets Jesus through his visits with the shopkeeper who owns the corner store. The first Christian song he heard was "Amazing Grace" and it made a great impact throughout his life. I loved hearing my kids sing it whenever it was mentioned in the story.

2. A woman named Grace that I am so grateful for. She has been a kind of mother figure to me (and Glenn and my brother). When I was growing up her family would faithfully visit my dad whenever he was in the hospital for some complication with his diabetes (which was often!) on Sunday afternoons. It didn't matter which hospital it was they would make their way there on Sunday afternoons and spend time with us. Almost every Sunday of the year and a half that mom lived in the nursing home they were there. Loving us, encouraging us, making us laugh. I really don't know what we would have done without her dear family over the years. They have the dearest servant hearts of any people I have ever met. Always giving, always loving, always serving, always caring. I am so grateful for the grace God has given me in Grace.

3. The grace that God has given me in parenting. I am far from a perfect parent but God's grace is producing some amazing kids that I have the privilege of living life with. They challenge me with their faith and their questions. They cause me to grow and to be more and more grateful for the grace that God gives me on a moment by moment basis as my Father.

Grace, grace, God's grace. 

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within. 

Grace, grace, God's grace. 

Grace that is greater than all my sin.

Maybe Jesus likes Chocolate

I just want to take a minute to brag on my Jesus.

First, a bit of a back story: Halloween is this week. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with Halloween this year. We never go out and buy costumes but my kids do like to dress up. Each year we have done different things for Halloween depending on where we live, what's going on in the area, etc.

Glenn is on nights this week so I was tempted to just stay home with the lights out and watch a movie with the kids until I read a blog post. Glenn had already told me about it and had Caleb read it before I read it.

These words stuck out to me:
"This is the only night of the entire year that most of your neighbors and mine are going to come knocking on our doors. The only night."

I haven't met many of my neighbors but that post made me realize that my neighbors may be coming to my door on Thursday. I say may because I'm not sure if people actually trick or treat in my predominantly Hispanic neighborhood. I'll let you know after Thursday.

Ok, that was a lot of back story before getting to what I actually want to share. I want to have good candy to share with the people who come to my door but I didn't have any so we went to the store today. My printer is out of toner so I couldn't print any coupons but I could upload a few candy coupons to my Kroger card so to Kroger we went.

When we got there I searched through the candy checking bags for candy count to find out which was the cheapest per item from the chocolate section. My coupons were all for Mars so that's what I was looking at mostly. I grabbed a bag of Twix to see how many were in the bag and discovered the bag was popped open. I put it back to grab another one and it was open too. It didn't look like the bags sealed properly from the factory because all of the bags were popped open and wrapped Twix bars filled the box. Two of my girls ran off together to find a store employee to tell them about it. The ladies in floral told them that they didn't know what to tell the girls to do but that the girls should make sure they each took at least one. When they told me my girls were offended... We can't take candy we haven't paid for!!

I found a man stocking shelves and pointed out the box of open candy bags and I explained that I'd found the box and just wanted the store to know so that it could be taken care of and not just sit there like that tempting people. The man seemed surprised and asked me if I would like to buy them for a discount. I wasn't expecting that question but I said, "Sure. I guess. Maybe." He went off to talk to the store manager and I went back to the candy aisle in my quest to figure out which candy was the best price per item. The manager came to talk to me. He told me that it was about 12 bags of Twix in there and that he would give it to me for $10. I was kind of shocked but I said sure and he proceeded to find a SKU that I could use at the checkout. The girls each ate one on the way home and then, when we got home, the guys helped count them. There were 236 Fun Size Twix bars in there that we got for $9.99. Thanks God.

 Now I just hope we get trick-or-treaters who like Twix tomorrow or I am going to have to find some other way to get rid of all the chocolate we now have in our house!

So that is why I think that Jesus may like chocolate. Or at least Twix. Or at least for some reason in His infinite wisdom He chose to bless me because I want to bless my neighbors. I don't know why He did it but I know I love Him.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17