tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282874162024-03-05T14:19:07.911-05:00The Maas UpdateA page to keep all of our Friends and Family updated on what is going on in our crazy but wonderful lives.Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.comBlogger589125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-83108717634624179302022-04-15T14:35:00.000-05:002023-12-01T23:37:13.711-05:00Waiting on Good Friday <p> Around the same time the lady I've been following for years for her scripture writing plans announced that she was no longer going to post any new scripture writing plans I heard Jon Acuff mention on his podcast a goal he had to write out the book of Matthew. I thought that sounded like an invitation, a next right step for me, so I got a new notebook out and started writing out the book of Matthew in French a few verses a day at the beginning of the year. It's been so neat to sit for a while every day and ponder a bit of Matthew's biography of Jesus. It's been interesting to notice what he did and did not include. As I write it out in French not only am I practicing my French spelling, vocabulary, conjugation and punctuation I am gaining different insights into familiar scriptures because reading it in French has put some things in a different light for me.</p><p>The Sunday before Palm Sunday as I sat down to do my scripture writing I realized I was to Matthew 21, "Jésus entre à Jérusalem," and I got excited. Maybe, if I increased the number of verses I wrote every day, I would be able to write about the resurrection of Jesus on Easter, just two weeks away. As I flipped ahead the task seemed daunting. Jesus had a lot to say that last week of His life. It was going to take some extra time and quite a bit of red ink but I was excited to jump into it though not hopeful I'd actually be able to do it. It's been so encouraging and challenging to see His heart for people through His stories, His warnings, His interactions with others and all of the woes ("quel malheur pour vous..."). His harshest words were for the religious leaders.</p><p>Wednesday I got to Matthew 26 and I was excited and surprised. I was caught up in the Holy Week timeline! I wrote about the religious leaders' plot to kill Him, the woman pouring perfume on Jesus' head to prepare His body for burial and Judas's meeting with the chief priests to get 30 pièces d'argent to hand Him over.</p><p>Yesterday I wrote about Jesus's last meal with His friends, listened to Him tell His friends about how He knew one would betray Him, the rest of them would scatter and deny Him and His promise of resurrection and reunion with them. I watched Him wrestling in prayer in the garden, His surrender to the will of the Father, while His friends were unable to stay awake and watch and pray with Him. </p><p>Today was a lot. I knew it would be. Jesus arrested, betrayed by His friend. I imagined the look of love and compassion and sorrow in His eyes as He said, «Mon ami, fais ce que tu dois faire.» "Mon ami," oh, how incredible that He still calls Judas friend. Jesus reprimands His disciple for defending Him with a sword, telling him He didn't need his defense. If He wanted He could have more than a dozen armies of angels to rescue Him right now. Then He turns to the religious leaders asking why they needed to come under the cover of darkness with swords and clubs when He was so often out in the open at the temple, easy to catch. After that I hardly use my red pen at all as He says very little as He's dragged between trials. He doesn't defend Himself. Lies, condemnations, mockery. He says nothing but «C'est toi qui le dis» in His trials and then He is hung on the cross and the mocking continues. At noon it is dark out until 3 in the afternoon and I stopped writing. </p><p>I'm waiting. I wanted to keep writing. I wanted to get to Jesus's death. To His resurrection. But He hung on that cross for a long time so I am waiting until 3, until He speaks again just before He dies and is buried. Tomorrow I'll write of the worried religious officials begging Pilate to put a guard in front of the tomb. Then Sunday I will get to write about the empty tomb and the women who worship Him and to whom He says, «N'ayez pas peur.» Then I'll wonder at the conspiracy contrived by the religious leaders and the authority and commission His followers have been given to «Allez chez tous les peuples pour que les gens deviennent les disciples. Baptisez-les au nom du Père, du Fils et de l'Esprit Saint. Apprenez-leur à obéir à tous les commandements que je vous ai donnes.» and rejoice at the reminder that: «Et moi, je suis avec vous tous les jours, jusqu'à la fin du monde.»</p><p>I couldn't have planned it this way. Two weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the thought of all that writing but it has been such a huge blessing to me and I have grown to love my Savior more walking through the last week of His life with Him over the last two weeks. I'm so thankful for His love for me and for His sacrifice and His invitation into a forever relationship with Him.</p>Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-12417407691206534222021-05-23T23:25:00.063-05:002021-05-23T23:45:24.697-05:0020 Years Ago<p> <span></span>A long time ago there was a woman who was treated badly by the people she was working for in their attempt to solve a problem their way. As their plan progressed she was treated even worse and she ran away. God pursued her and met her where she was. He didn’t tell her everything was going to be ok but He did tell her that her descendants would be too many to count and a bit of what the future would be for her son. She called Him “the God who sees” and she named the place He pursued her “a well of the Living One who sees me.” (You can read the whole story in Genesis 16.) </p><p><span> </span>Have you ever felt seen like that? Have you ever been in a dark place and God shows up and and gives you hope and encouragement that you need to keep doing the difficult thing that lies before you?</p><p>That happened to me at church today.</p><p>May 23 has long been a difficult day for me. I knew it was coming up and I warned Glenn that I would need time this afternoon to stop and write because this year would mark 20 years since May 23rd became a significant day to me, not just a normal day on the calendar.<br /></p><p>2001 was a year that marked many Americans forever. That infamous day in September when we were attacked changed us and a lot of our assumptions and thoughts of the future were forever impacted. For me the day in 2001 that changed my life forever was a few months earlier.</p><p>On May 23, 2001 my mom, who had had lupus for many years and had recently suffered a few heart attacks, was taken in for a heart catheterization. A heart catheterization is a pretty routine procedure. My dad had had one before and I didn't think that there was any need for concern. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned and our lives were forever changed. We drove the 15+ hours up from Tennessee to be with her in the ICU and within a couple of days it was decided that more long term help was going to be needed and so Glenn went down to TN where friends helped put all of our possessions into a moving truck which he then drove up to NY where we put our stuff into storage as our little family of 3 moved in with my dad for a season and did what we could to support him as he made daily trips to the hospital to be with mom. Mom bounced between the various levels of care in the hospital in Rochester until late that summer when she was stable enough to be moved to a nursing home in Geneva where she spent the last 16-ish months of her life unable to talk or move of her own volition. </p><p> Glenn and I had plans. We knew the direction that we felt God calling us to and what steps we needed to take to make it a reality but that day everything got put on hold as we stepped into a very difficult season. </p><p> This morning my count up Psalm was Psalm 42. It’s a Psalm that speaks to me deeply. It speaks of a longing for things to be made right, a longing to come into the presence of God. It speaks of crying day and night and wondering where God is. It speaks of remembering good times before. It wonders at the despair in the soul. It speaks of feeling forgotten and mourning and oppression, being crushed and reviled. I have felt all of those things, especially in that very difficult season. The Psalmist ends with hope and choosing to praise God because He is the help of my countenance and my God.</p><p> Psalm 42 was mentioned this morning during the church service. I love when God does that. Ross King, a singer/ songwriter was at church today and he shared about his experience with depression in both word and song. It felt like a hug from God, like He was saying, “I see you. I know what day today is. I have felt the pain you feel. I value your story. I have watched you struggle over the last 20 years and I am here for you, for your healing and to give you hope.”</p><p> I have long struggled with depression. It didn’t start that day 20 years ago but the battle with depression definitely increased as things progressed with my mom and after the births of my girls. Depression has been a regular companion of mine over the years, worse in those gloomy New York winters and as particular dates popped up on the calendar. Over the years I’ve learned some of my triggers and I’ve learned some things to help to mitigate the impact like journaling, getting regular time in the Word (particularly the Psalms), time outside (preferably near water), and time exercising (usually walks or runs). </p><p> It was so encouraging to me to hear a sermon on “the elephant in the room” of depression on this 20th anniversary of the day my life as I knew it changed. One thing that stuck out to me today was something that his wife recognized in him one day: that he was grieving the death of the life he thought he'd have and he didn’t have time to grieve the loss of his dad. That really stuck out to me. Like I said, Glenn and I had plans the morning of May 23, 2001 and they changed forever that day. Not only did I have to grieve the loss of my mom as I’d always known her and then the loss of my mom’s physical presence less than 2 years later but I had to grieve the life I thought I would have. A life where my kids knew and loved their grandma and grandpa and we would stay with them when home on furlough. A life where I had a mom who knew and loved me and would pick up the phone when I called to listen and to give advice and to point me to Jesus when trials of various kinds would come and so much more. A life where we wouldn't have taken so many breaks in Glenn's education. I have had to grieve the loss of that life I thought I would have. </p><p> The last 20 years have looked much different than I dreamed they would have looked. Eventually Glenn did go on to finish his undergrad degree and he did become a doctor. We did work at a mission hospital for a season and, Lord willing, will do it again someday in the future. The timeline has been nothing like we had planned but I can see God’s goodness, His gracious hand and His blessings through all of the trials and detours and seasons of deep depression. He has refined me. He has comforted me as only He can. He has given me opportunities to comfort others. He has brought amazing people and circumstances into our lives that we couldn't have orchestrated in our life plan. His plan has been good, better than my plan.</p><p> Over the years I have often felt shame at the feelings I’ve had. Sadness. Anger. Stress. Anxiety. Why be sad when I know that God has a plan and that He is going to work it out for His glory and my good? Why? Maybe because it’s another way to be like Jesus. When Jesus showed up at Lazarus’s house he knew Lazarus was dead and he knew that in a few minutes He was going to raise him from the dead. Yet, in those few minutes, Jesus cried. It’s ok to cry about what is going on and what you are feeling. It’s ok to grieve your losses. It’s ok to be sad. We live in a broken world. Things are not as they should be. Jesus felt sadness. Jesus felt anger. Jesus felt pain. Jesus felt extreme pressure. When you feel those same feelings “You're in Good Company” as Ross shared in one of his songs. </p><p> We were left with 3 pieces of advice for those struggling with depression: </p><p>1. tell someone - often the first step toward healing is to bring the hard things into the light. Name them. There is no shame in having emotions and in struggling with depression. Let others in. You don’t have to be healed and to be able to wrap it all up in a pretty bow for your story to matter. Share it. </p><p>2. get help - be that counseling, medication, or something else. I know that my Untying the Knots of the Heart group has been incredibly helpful to me but I think that I am going to need more than just that and I am worth the investment of counseling to get me mentally healthy. So are you. </p><p>3. don’t quit. </p><p> On this, the 20th anniversary of the day my mom’s life changed for the rest of her days on this earth and my life plan changed, I am so thankful that I follow “the God who sees me” and that He is pursuing me and healing me. I am thankful that I have learned that it's ok to ask questions and to have feelings. I'm thankful my life hasn't been messed up, He sees the big picture, and I can trust the plans He has for me. <br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-87336736535608169182018-07-19T15:04:00.001-05:002018-07-19T15:04:33.998-05:00Memories of His faithfulness Facebook memories are so good for my soul. They are stones of remembrance that I can look back on in faith knowing that, just as my dear faithful Father took care of me all of those times He is still with us and He knows the next part of the story that we can't see yet.<br />
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This morning my memories took me back to that season of uncertainty at the beginning of medical school when fears were high because we didn't have a place to live as of the 1st of the month. Looking back I can see His faithfulness in allowing us to not have our own place for 2.5 months as we watched Him provide in amazing ways and through amazing people.<br />
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They also took me back to a year later when we discovered we had bedbugs and endured a hard, isolating summer getting rid of them. I’m so thankful that it was Glenn’s “last summer vacation” so he had time to work on getting rid of them and he had a summer job so we could pay for all the expensive chemicals and mattress covers.<br />
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Often they tell of the Facebook beginning of friendships I’ve made on this journey. Today's also reminded me to choose joy even in difficult circumstances which was from the beginning of residency while living in the heat of Texas with one weak window a/c unit. (I've heard we get 3 where we’re moving!).<br />
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This month my <a href="http://www.swtblessings.com/2018/06/july-scripture-writing-plan-god-is-my.html?m=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">scripture writing plan</a> has been about God being our refuge and has been so good for my soul. This morning I got to write out part of Psalms 46, one of my favorites:<br />
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“Dieu est pour nous un refuge et un appui, un secours toujours présent dans la détresse. C’est pourquoi nous sommes sans crainte quand la terre est bouleversée, quand les montagnes sont ébranlées au cœur des mers et que les flots de la mer mugissent, écument, se soulèvent jusqu’à faire trembler les montagnes. – Pause. Les bras d’un fleuve réjouissent la ville de Dieu, le sanctuaire des demeures du Très-Haut. Dieu est au milieu d’elle: elle n’est pas ébranlée; Dieu la secourt dès le point du jour. Des nations s’agitent, des royaumes sont ébranlés: il fait entendre sa voix, et la terre tombe en défaillance. L’Eternel, le maître de l’univers, est avec nous, le Dieu de Jacob est une forteresse pour nous. – Pause.<br />
«Arrêtez, et sachez que je suis Dieu! Je domine sur les nations, je domine sur la terre.» L’Eternel, le maître de l’univers, est avec nous, le Dieu de Jacob est pour nous une forteresse. – Pause.”<br />
Psaumes 46:2-8, 11-12 </blockquote>
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“God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted. The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.” Psalms 46:1-7, 10-11 </blockquote>
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Then the Psalm for the day on PrayerMate was <a href="https://www.bible.com/bible/100/PSA.139.nasb" target="_blank">Psalm 139</a>, such a good one! I'm so thankful for these little hugs that have helped to relieve the anxiety that I've been battling. I'm so thankful that He goes before us, He is with us, He is our refuge, He knows our needs, He knows the struggles that will come and how He will work out all the details, and He will be exalted. Praise Him.<br />
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Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-62605040177434573802018-06-04T15:50:00.000-05:002018-06-07T05:35:57.684-05:00Home<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Home. It's such a funny term. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Saturday before last we were scrambling around trying to get some important paperwork together for our next step and, just before taking everything to the post office, we realized we were missing some important pieces of paper. Those papers are not here. They are "back there" in our lockbox in the home of some friends. We had the key though… that's the important part, right? In place of mailing our important paperwork we mailed the key to our friends so they can retrieve the paperwork and mail it to us.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">All of the scrambling around left me feeling very unsettled and longing for “home.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“If only I could go home and get all this paperwork straightened out.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“If only I could go home and sort through our lockbox and see what else we left behind that we might need.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“If only all of our stuff was in one place not spread from here to kingdom come.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Everything here is overwhelming. I just want to go home.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I just want to go home.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I just want to go home.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But… going home isn't an option. We have a commitment to finish our time here and then a commitment to spend two years in the next place before we go back to the place we moved here from. I've loved my time here and I'm looking forward to seeing what the two years after this hold.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Even when we return back there in a couple of years (which we will “get to” do to raise support) I have no idea where we’ll land since there is no such thing as home. There are cities and towns we have lived in, friends and family whom we love, a few boxes in my brother’s basement and the home of a friend but no physical place to call home. Going “home” often implies going to see parents… except when you don't have any… which makes me end up longing for heaven, my true home, which isn't really a bad thing. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To be honest, I started feeling pretty sorry for myself. Lego Batman’s words ran through my mind: “Darkness. No parents.” It probably didn't help that, besides the upcoming transitions, we’re in this part of the calendar near significant dates from my past related to my parents. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I chatted with Glenn and he reminded me that we have an apartment that we live in. Yes, it doesn’t have all of our stuff but we got rid of almost everything we didn't bring with us besides memories. This is our home now. That is ok. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The next morning, when I sat down for my quiet time, I saw that the next thing on my reading/responding plan was “L.” L stands for listening and it has become my favorite part as my loving Father gently reminds me of scriptures and encourages me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That morning He said:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I am your home. When you are seeking and striving after some kind of security, come to Me. Your security can't be in a place where all your stuff or all your important people are. Your stuff, your important people are and will be more and more in the years to come spread from here to the ends of the earth. You can't pull everything close to you and hold them tight and think you can keep everything and everyone safe but you can trust </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">! I am your home. I am your safety. I am your security. I will be with you when you have no one when you have nothing I will be there and I will be enough. You can trust Me. I will never leave you or forsake you. Keep seeking Me. Keep sneaking away with Me. Keep following Me and obeying Me. Keep trusting Me and I will prove Myself faithful, trustworthy, good, just. I am a jealous G*d. I don't want to fight this longing for home you struggle with. What you are truly longing for is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Keep seeking Me, my beloved child. I will be found by you. I will speak for you when you have no words. Let Me be your mouth. I love you, Sonja. I am with you. I will strengthen you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. You can put all of your eggs in My basket and trust Me to make and do with them what I want.” </span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Immediately afterwards one of my favorite songs,“<a href="https://youtu.be/GFf8QCwlSE0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Mon Secours est en Toi</a>,” started playing in my head:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Si la lune me glace, (if the moon makes me cold)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Le soleil menace, (the sun threatens)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Crèateur des étoiles, (Creator of the stars)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mon Secours est en Toi. (my help/ relief/ rescue is in You)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Si mes larmes ruissellent, (If my tears fall)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Et que mon pas chancelle, (and If my steps falter)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Créateur de la terre, (Creator of the earth)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mon secours est en toi, (my help is in You)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Je lève les yeux, (I lift my eyes)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Vers les hauts sommets, (towards the high summits)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Toi seul est mon Dieu, (You alone are my God)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Je proclamerai: (I will proclaim)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Toi seul est ma force, (You alone are my strength)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Toi seul me restaure (You alone restore me)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mon secours est en toi (my help is in You) </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Toujours tu me portes (You always carry me)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jamais tu ne dors (You never sleep)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mon secours est en toi (my help is in You)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Si la peur m’envahit (If the fear overwhelms me)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Et mon âme chavire, (and my soul capsizes)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Createur de la vie (Creator of life)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mon secours est en toi (my help is in You)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Ta victoire , mon espoir (Your victory, my hope)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ton chemin, mon destin (Your path, my destiny)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ton salut, mon refuge (Your salvation, my refuge)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tout est en toi” (everything is in You)</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He was right. In longing for “home” I wasn't really longing for a physical place. I was longing for a feeling of safety and security and of being in control. He is enough even when I don't feel safe or secure. He is way better at being in control than I am. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Turns out… the kids need their passports for their test on Tuesday so I'm glad we hadn't mailed them off yet. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He knows best. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He is enough. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can trust Him even when I don't understand. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Ps-90-1">Lord, through all the generation</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-90-1">you have been our home!</span></span></span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-90-1">Psalm 90:1 NLT </span></span> </b></span></span></span></div>
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Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-20165318144266746072017-05-24T14:52:00.000-05:002017-05-24T14:52:58.214-05:00A day that lives in infamyThere are many dates that live in infamy. Pearl Harbor, September 11th and others are dates that stand out in the memories of those who were alive at the time. Dates of horror. Dates of tragedy. Dates when everything changed.<br />
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For me a date that lives in infamy is May 23, 2001. 16 years ago today.<br />
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On that day my mom went in for a heart catheterization. She had had a few mild heart attacks the weekend before and they needed to address the issues. My mom had had lupus and had been on prednisone for over 25 years and I don't know that the heart surgeon had noticed that when looking at her history or maybe he knew but decided to still risk the procedure despite her brittle blood vessels. The stint went through her blood vessel and they lost her for 10 minutes and worked on her for 30 minutes to bring her back. Not long afterwards she had a stroke and she spent the next several weeks in and out of ICUs before being stable enough to be transferred to a nursing home where she spent the rest of her life.<br />
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I came across some pictures the other day, pictures of that season, that season I don't like to remember.<br />
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I love remembering my mom like this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkhxg2koaYSrgKctpvvAoFYi7uDbaEdQJh7YMG95WZGl6TJExz-2Kf0vPV8QU7FojsAGWVMRjzVqKQr-ifAqDOQ4P2s9S2ZJQfBD2elxn_xzKrElzHZD129ygBoXwEyZApaqJLlg/s1600/before.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkhxg2koaYSrgKctpvvAoFYi7uDbaEdQJh7YMG95WZGl6TJExz-2Kf0vPV8QU7FojsAGWVMRjzVqKQr-ifAqDOQ4P2s9S2ZJQfBD2elxn_xzKrElzHZD129ygBoXwEyZApaqJLlg/s320/before.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's hard to see pictures like this, when she first got transferred to the senior living facility in August.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE8_nfNxUZir9CjyiP9PsEYYjnylNWkcfhRlCP5MycDF1ITJ3RRGEMNepbsnndkJkMAdz6wR_d6cWts0BZN8ZjHGFHK5TMr-he9Vd5iqOemnBZgCqzlrBXSQqfn02rFKFiJJCZkg/s1600/aug01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE8_nfNxUZir9CjyiP9PsEYYjnylNWkcfhRlCP5MycDF1ITJ3RRGEMNepbsnndkJkMAdz6wR_d6cWts0BZN8ZjHGFHK5TMr-he9Vd5iqOemnBZgCqzlrBXSQqfn02rFKFiJJCZkg/s320/aug01.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
One thing I love about this picture though is seeing my dad read to my mom. I don't know that he ever read aloud to her before this season unless it was something he found interesting from the newspaper and I don't know if they had regular time in the Bible together before then but I know that time in God's Word was important to mom before May 23, her Bible had the Daily Bread in it opened to May 23th so I know that she read it before going to the hospital that fateful morning. Dad made it a priority to read God's Word to her since she could no longer read it for herself. It was so neat to watch my dad care for my mom and read to her from God's Word every day. He was an amazing, faithful caregiver. <i>That's something I didn't really appreciate or realize at the time, young as I was.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzemYvw76iaCXdjBuAwJBuBss_SBQZgGIQnIJfIG8GwNNdWnTtQUBHO-gVB7Y68BmsnCY4t0RoHU81R5yfHpY-x106gWFs9d5a93Lfb-0STMVPbNS3hZQpZg5D2R0VDmSZn7ppnw/s1600/at+home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzemYvw76iaCXdjBuAwJBuBss_SBQZgGIQnIJfIG8GwNNdWnTtQUBHO-gVB7Y68BmsnCY4t0RoHU81R5yfHpY-x106gWFs9d5a93Lfb-0STMVPbNS3hZQpZg5D2R0VDmSZn7ppnw/s320/at+home.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
We were hoping that mom would be able to someday to come home. We put our lives and plans on hold and moved from TN to NY to help out my dad, knowing that he wouldn't be able to do it on his own. The picture above is from a chance we got to bring mom home for an outing. It appears our cat made itself at home in her lap and she looks to be enjoying listening to Russ as we talked to him while he was off at college. [Do you remember being able to talk on 3 different phones in the same conversation??] She had lots of speech therapy and I know that at one point my aunt got her to say "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" but after May 23 she could never really communicate with words. <i>I now wonder how that made her feel, as a teacher and public speaker.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj92yVbE50NV55hJCczlPWnB8yiZXFsDtDRImOeWwKKJ6kf8g6m0ZPFv-bBVCjuhFknzYOY_f1-gt3xvyiA2XqX6BmX_1T6w_yXvuP88nbwxZKFrpQwvdei-YLoxWYWKCfqRzE3LA/s1600/withkyle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj92yVbE50NV55hJCczlPWnB8yiZXFsDtDRImOeWwKKJ6kf8g6m0ZPFv-bBVCjuhFknzYOY_f1-gt3xvyiA2XqX6BmX_1T6w_yXvuP88nbwxZKFrpQwvdei-YLoxWYWKCfqRzE3LA/s320/withkyle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
After a while dad bought a wheelchair van and she got a bit better so he was able to take her on outings more often. This picture is from Thanksgiving when we got to take her to our family gathering at my grandparents' house.<br />
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My mom loved being a grandma and, though I prefer the pictures of her from the times she snuck down to TN to snuggle that Caleb...<br />
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Or the time we made it to NY for Thanksgiving and to show off our boy...<br />
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Most of the time she spent with Caleb was while she was in a hospital bed on Sunday afternoons after church when we would go and spend the afternoon with her for all those months that she was in the nursing home. I used to hate these pictures because I don't want to remember mom that way but as I came across them I realize that I am so glad I have these pictures of my parents enjoying Caleb during a visit.<br />
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They loved to watch him toddling around her room, playing with the hospital curtains and "helping" to push her wheelchair. Once a month dad's cousin and her husband and a few of their friends would come with a guitar and sing some songs to mom, and mom and dad really enjoyed watching Caleb dance to the music. <i>How I wish I would have gone and visited her more...</i><br />
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The summer of 2002 we were able to bring her to my grandparent's backyard a few times for picnics and, even though she couldn't eat (she could never pass a swallow test), she enjoyed watching people, especially Caleb splashing in the pool.</div>
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We even got to have a joint birthday party together since our birthdays are only 5 days apart.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiq4RjRAJpLAOXCqkxTpr_uH-i9xvlpoLBsqvHx_06dsldYRxtH_336Ge_AOG3fUzYU29nuedUmSJfNgvoPFFiGEXoN24NlSYN1NiCgWYp43_Bd63KRcyvFsppQ_0vagppmhIIYg/s1600/group+birthday02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiq4RjRAJpLAOXCqkxTpr_uH-i9xvlpoLBsqvHx_06dsldYRxtH_336Ge_AOG3fUzYU29nuedUmSJfNgvoPFFiGEXoN24NlSYN1NiCgWYp43_Bd63KRcyvFsppQ_0vagppmhIIYg/s320/group+birthday02.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I may or may not have snuck her a taste of that whipped cream.</div>
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I wish I could find a copy of the picture from October when we had Hannah's baby dedication at church. Glenn's mom and grandma had come out for a wedding so Caleb had 5 grandmas at church that day and he just kept turning around and saying, "Grandma? Grandma? Grandma? Grandma? Grandma?" There's a picture of mom "holding" baby Hannah that I may stick in here someday if I find it.</div>
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I used to hate these pictures because they were so painful but, looking at them today, I am so thankful that I have them and I'm putting them here because I want a record of this season. Yes, it was an incredibly painful season of my life for so many reasons and I have so many regrets from that season and it still hurts to see mom all curled up like that remembering her limitations and I miss my parents terribly but God has taught me so much both during that season and since, as a result of it.</div>
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Though I sure miss and long for wisdom from this lady that visited us for Easter not too long before...</div>
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I'm glad I had the chance to live nearby and have time with this version of her for about 19 months.</div>
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I'm also thankful that God was merciful and took her home in His perfect timing so she no longer has that old, broken, deteriorating body. What I wouldn't give to have a conversation with her, to glean some of her wisdom, but, instead, I get something better - I get to go directly to the One who was the source of all of her wisdom, the Savior that she loved so much.<br />
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Yes, May 23 is a day that lives in infamy for me but He is good and does good and I can trust that He knows best, even in giving us infamous days, because He uses them for His glory and our good and I am grateful.Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-64194576076878545262017-05-17T15:59:00.000-05:002017-05-17T15:59:22.855-05:00Soon this will all be but a happy memory."Soon this will all be but a happy memory."<br />
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These were my parting words as I left small group on Monday night. I then got choked up and left. Caleb asked me if it was legal to drive and cry. I told him I hope so because I've done it many times.<br />
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Our time in Fort Worth is coming to a close. It's hard to believe 4 years of residency are almost over. I know most of my residency wife friends are so glad it is almost over and that their husbands will soon have a more normal, hopefully better schedule.<br />
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Change-hater over here isn't as excited. I've gotten used to the "not normal" of residency. If you don't like one month it's ok. It's only a month. Unless you have back to back MCH rotations and even then it's not that bad, at least for me with almost grown humans to interact with at home. [Re-reading that, I wonder, actually, maybe I do like change as long as it doesn't involve saying goodbye and purging and packing.]<br />
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Of course, change-hater over here is also signing herself up for a life of almost constant change. A life of packing and purging every 1-3 years. A life of near constant hellos and goodbyes. It is a part of this journey we're on, until we get to go Home.<br />
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"Soon this will all be but a happy memory."<br />
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I cried as I said those words but later they made me smile. I am so grateful for the memories that I have had the privilege of having in this stage of my life. How much richer my life is because of the happy memories.<br />
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I was worried about coming to JPS because the impression that I had gotten was that it was not family friendly and the schedule would be unbearable to those at home. That has not been the case for me. God allowed Glenn to match with some incredible people some of whom we've had the privilege of living life and meeting with on a weekly basis for Bible study, encouragement and accountability. I am so grateful for these friends and the others I have been able to get to know through JPS. The schedule hasn't been that bad either. Again, it may help that I have pretty independent, almost grown humans living with me not small needy ones. Surprise, surprise, God knew what He was doing. Happy memories.<br />
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Another group of happy memories I'm mourning is the loss of our school family. At the end of PGY2 I was about to pull my hair out and quit homeschooling but God told me not to give up and pointed me towards Arlington Liber Academy, a school that meets once a week that has helped me grow as a mom and teacher and helped my kids grow as students and humans. The lessons we have learned there and the friends and mentors we have had have been priceless to us. Again, surprise, surprise, God knew what He was doing. Happy memories.<br />
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In choosing a house to live in for residency our priority was a less than five minute commute to the hospital. A friend had recommended that I look for a place near a church to get involved in. That was not a priority for me but that is exactly what God gave us. We live across the street from our church which has been SO convenient and, though it is far from perfect (probably because it is made up of humans and our family would have ruined it if it was perfect), it has been a great place for us to serve and build relationships. Many adults from there have loved, spoken truth to, prayed for, and invested in our family and for that I am very grateful. Surprise, surprise. Again, God knew what He was doing. More happy memories.<br />
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"Soon this will all be but a happy memory." <br />
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Yes, yes, it will. I now say that with a smile. I am so thankful for the memories. How grateful I am for our 4 years here. Thanks, God.<br />
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Should the Lord tarry, I am sure that there are many times in the future when I will "get" to say,<br />
"Soon this will all be but a happy memory." I'm looking forward to and excited about the chance to keep making happy and not so happy memories and trusting the Lord that He will carry us through both.<br />
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<br />Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-45028331149694949772017-04-02T18:48:00.001-05:002017-04-02T18:48:25.609-05:00So Long, Tool - Part 1Friday we said goodbye to Winnie, (no longer) our 2002 Ford Windstar. We welcomed her into our family in February of 2009, soon after our Burb died which was soon after Glenn got accepted to medical school. She's been a part of our family over 8 years. At least one of our kids don't remember life before her.<br />
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We've said goodbye to her before, almost 4 years ago just before residency started when her rear axle snapped on our way to NY for graduation. That time we resurrected her by putting a junkyard axle on her and on she rolled.<br />
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We said goodbye to her again last year when insurance considered her "totalled" after a hail storm. We then decided to keep her again and just roll with her dimpled and broken exterior and cracked windshield since she her only responsibility was to drive the less than 2 mile trip to the hospital and back every day and it would be a lot easier than going back to having one car. (We'd decided before hand not to drive her on the interstate since her frame was more rust than frame.)<br />
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Glenn always tells us the time you need to be most careful on the roads down here is when it is just starting to rain after it hasn't rained in a long time and oil has accumulated on the streets. That is what finally did her in last week. The mechanic who called Glenn about her after having her towed made us laugh. She doesn't look that bad on the outside but I'm not sure he'd ever seen a rustier, more unsafe frame. Even after costly repairs to the control arm and other things he told us her rusted out frame would deem her unsafe to drive. We knew that and were planning on getting rid of her in a couple of months when her inspection expired. She just broke up with us before we could break up with her.<br />
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I teared up as we left her with the guy who came to tow her away at the garage and we thanked God for providing her, for helping her last far longer than the 5 years I hoped she would last, for the many memories we made in her on road trips (especially MS4), and for keeping us safe in her despite her rusty frame even when she committed suicide into a curb.<br />
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Since we're back to one car again we get to juggle once again the "Do you need the van for anything? Do you need to go anywhere or should I just drive myself?" conversations that we've haven't had to have in a long time. Getting up early to run him to work reminds of regularly taking him to the schospital because we only had one car and parking was too expensive during medical school. This month Glenn is on Sports Med at an offsite clinic which means he has to travel farther than normal for work which will complicate things, especially when the kids and I have commitments at the same time. Thankfully, some of his colleagues are willing to help us out by taking him in or bringing him home a few times. I'm actually glad that he doesn't get to drive Winnie there because I-20 is a place of frequent accidents and a highway accident in her could have been deadly. God knows.<br />
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So, so long, Winnie. Thanks for the memories.</div>
Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-59074342415665486332017-02-19T16:16:00.000-05:002017-02-19T16:32:56.295-05:00Gaining through losing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 21px;">Every time I've read Philippians over the last few weeks as we've been studying it at church this passage has stuck out to me. He invites us to count everything as a loss, to let everything else go, to count all I have treasured as trash so that I can know Him more and, in so doing, become more like Him. </span><br />
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"Surpassing value." I'm not suffering the loss of all things for no reason. I'm invited to do so because gaining Him is worth so much more than anything I could ever give up.</div>
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So today, as our pastor read 2:7-14, I raised my hand in surrender with tears running down my cheeks because I do want to know Him. I do want to be dressed in His righteousness that comes through faith, not based on anything I've done. I do want to know the power of His resurrection. I do, though the idea of it sometimes scares me, want to know the fellowship of His suffering because I know He is a faithful Companion in suffering and walking through suffering draws me closer to Him. I do want to forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead. I do want to press on toward the goal for the prize of His upward call. </div>
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"Why would you want to spend your life on anything less?"</div>
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Why indeed. </div>
Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-65432298963483374022017-02-15T23:10:00.001-05:002017-02-16T07:52:28.352-05:00"For His lovingkindness is everlasting."<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 21px;">We are walking through all kinds of emotions lately. Through all that we've been through our Father has been so faithful and we know in our heads that He doesn't change but as we look ahead to what He has next for us sometimes I get overwhelmed with the fear of the unknown and the fear of the known and all that must be accomplished in the next 135 days plus and/or minus 2 months. How grateful I am for whoever it was back at TTU that recommended reading through the book of Psalms backwards for the 150 days leading up to our wedding as we read through them again to the end of residency. The Psalms always help to put things in perspective. </span><br />
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Yesterday we read Psalm 136. I read it again this morning with Glenn with him reading the first part of each verse and me quoting the constant end of each verse, "For His lovingkindness is everlasting." Oh how I love that Psalm. Whenever I read it I want to add so many more verses. Some that came to mind were:</div>
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"He provided a generous scholarship to Glenn to go to TTU, For His lovingkindness is everlasting." </div>
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Then farther back:</div>
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"He allowed Sandy to come to know Him at camp when she was in high school and Roger when he was 8, For His lovingkindness is everlasting."</div>
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And farther back:</div>
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"Edwin and Jean to meet in band playing trombone, For His lovingkindness is everlasting."</div>
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And much farther back:</div>
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"A baby was born, the Son of Man, whose death paid the price for my sins, For His lovingkindness is everlasting."</div>
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Oh, and so many thousands of more verses. </div>
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"For His lovingkindness is everlasting."</div>
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He works everything for His glory, His lovingkindness is everlasting, and I am so grateful. </div>
Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-27503741527060070812017-01-06T22:31:00.000-05:002017-01-06T22:31:27.834-05:00The Countdown Has Begun...On a whim last Saturday I decided to check how many days we had left until 6/30/17, Glenn's last day of residency. It just happened to be 181 days and that made me smile because I had an idea.<br />
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In the days before our wedding and the days before the match we we did a 150 day countdown reading backwards through the book of Psalms. It was fun to do back in the summer of 1999 and gave us a way to connect knowing that we were both reading the same thing each day that last summer we spent apart. It was comforting to read backwards through the Psalms in the unknown of looking ahead to the match in the winter of 2013 as we needed the reminder to keep trusting Him as we were awaiting the news of where we would spend the next 3-4 years of our lives in training.<br />
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This year, starting with 181 days before we finish this season of our lives we have started doing a countdown again. This time we get to read backwards through the book of Proverbs as well. I trust that as we read we will be encouraged and challenged and focused as we look forward to and prepare for what He has next for us.<br />
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<i>It's been a while. Words are slow to come from my fingers. I looked back to see what I had said about Psalm countdowns in the past and I was so encouraged to read<a href="http://maasupdate.blogspot.com/search?q=psalm+countdown" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> three blog posts</a> from the months before the match that I needed to read today and they have reminded me that I really need to write more. Maybe I will. </i>Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-60331746333357419862016-11-26T01:41:00.003-05:002016-11-26T01:44:06.262-05:00Five Minute Friday: SurrenderSTART<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Humperdinck: Surrender!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Humperdinck: I give you full marks for bravery. Don’t make yourself a fool.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Westley: Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the fire swamp. We can live there quite happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Humperdinck: I tell you once again, surrender!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Westley: It will not happen.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Humperdinck: For the last time, surrender!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Westley: Death first!!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Buttercup: Will you promise not to hurt him?</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Humperdinck: What was that?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Westley: What was that?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Buttercup: If we surrender and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man</span> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Humperdinck: May I live a thousand years and never hunt again.... I swear it will be done.*</span></span><br />
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I, too, am asked to surrender.<br />
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At times I too want to make deals, like Buttercup, with the One asking me to surrender, "If I do surrender, will you promise that no harm will come to us? Will I always have my husband? Will my children always walk with You?" and so on...<br />
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The One asking me to surrender makes no such promise not to allow harm to come to us but instead He gives better promises like "In this world you will have trouble but be of good cheer because I have overcome the world" and "when you pass through the waters, I will be with you" and "I am with you always, even to the end of the age."<br />
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And so I surrender. Not because I have confidence in myself, that I "know the secrets of the fire swamp," though I have been in the school of learning to be "content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want," but because I know the One who asks me to surrender. He is nothing like Prince Humperdink who has no intentions of keeping his promises. The One who asks me to surrender keeps His promises. I know that when I surrender all to Him whatever He allows to happen to us He will use for our good and His glory because He knows best.<br />
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He does not promise safety or ease but He does promise His presence, which is better by far. I know I can trust Him.<br />
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And so... I surrender.<br />
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* Quote from The Princess Bride by William Goldman.<br />
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<br />Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-80606316370835041862016-10-02T23:01:00.000-05:002016-10-02T23:01:12.760-05:005 Minutes in October: PaintWe don't paint much around here. Occasionally the girls will ask to paint and collect a bunch of old grocery flyers and head out to the back yard to paint a picture on a piece of paper but it doesn't happen often.
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Confession: we've never painted a wall in any house we've ever lived in. I've often heard friends talk about needing to paint before moving into a place or seen the before and after pictures of the walls in their homes. I've helped others paint but I've never painted any of the 20-ish places we've lived. Most of our landlords would have been fine with it but I have always figured our time here is temporary and I can live with the white or ecru or random color from a previous tenant walls for the time we are here.
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Whoever painted our house before we moved in did a poor job and even painted all of the windows closed (we figure it's a security feature along the busy sidewalk on the bedroom side of our house so we haven't pried them open.) There is definitely touch up work that needs done around here. I'm not sure if we'll get to it or just let the landlord repaint after we move out.Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-45145032173957300502016-10-02T00:05:00.000-05:002016-10-02T00:05:44.798-05:005 Minutes in October 2016: WalkI've decided to try 31 days of 5 Minute free writes again this year. So, with my last few minutes of the 1st, here goes...
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WALK
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Sometime earlier in residency Glenn got a Fitbit through work. The band broke so he stopped wearing it for a while.
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When we found bands at Goodwill we bought a couple but he still didn't start wearing it so he said I could and I did.
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It was a good motivator for a while. For a few days I'd take a walk before bed to get my steps up but then the charger stopped working.
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After buying a new charger my cousin invited me on some challenges. They have been a good motivation for me. I've never won but it's encouraged me to increase my steps. Most evenings you'll find me wandering my house reading Perspectives on my nook, getting more steps in, trying not to trip over the dog or the kids.
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Today, ironically, is the first day I haven't gotten 10,000 steps. Yesterday was day 25 of my streak.
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STOPSonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-15823774949599922652016-09-30T20:25:00.000-05:002016-09-30T20:25:55.485-05:00Five Minute Friday: CollectSTART<br />
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When I saw the word "collect" earlier today I thought of all of the things that we collect around here: books, papers, legos, games, legos, nerf guns, socks, legos, pens, cameras, flip flops, legos, bikes, light sabers, legos... you get the idea. We have a lot of collections. In the upcoming months we need to purge a lot of collections.<br />
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As I wrote the subject for this blog though the first thing I thought of was collect calls. Kids don't know what those are any more. A few weeks ago I tried to explain to them what a collect call was but they didn't really get it. There was a day when everyone didn't have a cell phone and when you needed to call home you hit "0" and asked the operator if you could make a collect call.<br />
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I haven't made a collect call in years. When I made them they were always to home. That 315 number forever ingrained in my mind that connected me to my mom and dad no matter where I was. I don't know who has that dear old number now. If I tried to call that 315 number collect today they would not accept the charges from "Sonja." Oh, how I miss calling that 315 number. I didn't do it nearly often enough.<br />
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STOP<br />
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<br />Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-14620304636112251062016-09-23T22:36:00.000-05:002016-09-23T22:36:18.137-05:00Five Minute Friday: FiveAnd for the real prompt for this week.... 5<br />
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Yesterday at our Thursday school we were reminded once again to sign up for a performance that a couple of the students from the school are performing in late in October. The tickets are only $5, the kids are friends of our kids, and I live the closest of anyone to the place where the performance is being held so I put down my name and contact information and the number 5.<br />
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When I had a free minute later in the day I texted Glenn asking what his schedule was going to be the day of the performance to make sure that he didn't randomly have the day off. He texted back, "Probably not. Clinic all day." I told him, "OK. I just put 5 anyway." Then he replied, "So you are saying we have met before?"<br />
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Yes. We've met before. I love the random days when we get to be 6 but, during residency, more often than not we are 5.<br />
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<br />Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-63425795209504402642016-09-23T16:53:00.000-05:002016-09-23T16:53:23.831-05:00Five Minute Friday: Listen (Take 2)We're finishing up week 4 of school for the year. School is going pretty well this year. There are still the sinful people reacting sinful when sinned against issues that come with living and learning with sinners but... overall things are going pretty well.<br />
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One of my favorite things that I've added to our school year this year is Friday one-on-ones with mom. They came out of a suggestion from a friend who meets with each of her kids on Fridays to talk over what their goals are for the next week.<br />
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I schedule appointments with them and they report to the back room and sit on the couch, eat a piece of chocolate, and tell me about what is going well, what isn't going to well, and what they would like to change. It has been such a privilege to just listen to them one-on-one with no interruptions and get a glimpse into their hearts.<br />
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The number of Friday afternoons I have left that to spend with these precious ones in my home is getting smaller and smaller and I'm so thankful for the encouragement to just sit with them and listen.<br />
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Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-55033142056916500452016-09-23T12:39:00.001-05:002016-09-23T12:39:20.337-05:00Five Minute Friday: ListenHannah, a few other teens from church, and I have started volunteering leading Kids' Praise (the opening 15 minutes of SS). This fall the kids in Sunday school at our church are studying 1 Peter for the months of September and October. I love the book of 1Peter and I have given the kids a "First Peter Challenge" to read or listen through 1 Peter every week for the whole two months. I told them if they read or listened to or had their parents read them one chapter of 1Peter every day Monday through Friday they would get to read through 1 Peter 8 or more times and it will help to get more out of what they are learning in Sunday School. The first week I had 2 participants, last week there were 10-15 (I'm rewarding them with candy...).<br />
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Since I gave the challenge I decided to take the challenge as well, even though we're in the OT in my class. I have loved listening to 1 Peter through <a href="https://www.youversion.com/apps" target="_blank">the Bible app</a>. It's a book I've always wanted to memorize and I'm starting to be able to quote more and more of it along with the reader.<br />
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I usually listen to sermons while I run so that I can do something I enjoy while I am doing something I have to do. I think that God wants me to work through 1Peter even more because something happened to my podcast app one day and it jumped me ahead a couple of weeks ago to the first sermon of a <a href="http://www.northridgerochester.com/messages/1-peter/" target="_blank">series on 1 Peter</a>. I figured it was appropriate so I've been listening to it as I run and I've loved hearing about a proper response and perspective on suffering and the reminder that we are strangers here and need to live on mission because we are not home yet.<br />
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(This is actually last week's prompt but, on my run today, I was thinking about how much I am loving listening to 1Peter and this series that I needed to write about it.)<br />
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Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-89690066773669087582016-09-05T22:53:00.001-05:002016-09-05T22:53:58.436-05:00Five Minute Friday: PathOn Sunday at the end of the service we sang the song, "I Surrender All." That song always makes me think of a young man from Nigeria who was a student with us in college. He told us he didn't ever sing that song (though it was often the song that closed the church services at that time) because he didn't want to lie.
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We don't sing it often but I think of him whenever I do and I sing it as a prayer asking for help to surrender more.
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Our path has had many detours along the way but all along the way there has been a call to surrender our goals, our plans, our timing, our independence, our self-reliance, our pride and so much more. It's not easy to surrender those things but He has been faithful and I'm so thankful that He continues to invite us to be a part of His story.Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-6180270375493077092016-08-12T22:56:00.002-05:002016-08-13T00:16:07.587-05:00Five Minute Friday: Lift<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 17px;">There are some people in life that no matter how much time passes between visits you can spend time with them again and connect in a deep, meaningful way and walk away humbled and encouraged and lifted up. We are not good long distance people. If we don't live near you, you know this. Honestly, we're not great nearby people either, unfortunately. </span><br />
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Last night we flew into Charlotte for an interview today. It was a great day and we met some really great people that we'd love to work with and follow each other's paths from near or far. It's funny how many of them we already had mutual friends with.</div>
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One of the unexpected blessings though was that the shuttle driver last night told us he actually lives in SC, just across the border which immediately made me think of friends who I know live in a border town somewhere and live and work on opposite sides of the border so I immediately jumped on Facebook to message them to see if they were indeed close by and if we could meet up. We were able to go out for coffee with them tonight and catch up on their lives. Though we've never lived close they are some of my favorite people because they have shared hard stuff they've gone through with us and shown us a glimpse into how He has used it to crush them and transform them. They are blatantly honest with their struggles and how hard Kingdom work is. Many of the things they have gone though I think would have destroyed me but they are still seeking Him and His place for them and they still know He is good. I love to talk to others like them who don't have it all figured out and to end our time lifting each other up to the One who knows. </div>
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I don't know what the outcome of today's interview will be. I don't know what our next steps are. I don't know what is next for our friends but He knows and for that I am very thankful. </div>
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<i>A bit longer than 5 minutes... Thanks, friends. </i></div>
Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-80797219907305635602016-08-01T22:29:00.000-05:002016-08-01T22:29:10.372-05:00Five Minute Friday: HiddenSince we've been in TX my blog has been pretty silent. There has been a lot that we have gone through. Many struggles I have had but they have been hidden. I used to use my blog as a way to walk through and think through my struggles but I've avoided it for several years now. I don't know if I'm afraid of what will be revealed to me by going deeper, too many distractions, or what it might be.
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This morning after finishing my scripture writing I glanced back through my journal as I sat at our campsite's picnic table. It was humbling to remember some of my struggles and faith bolstering to know how He brought me through those struggles. I guess I have avoided evaluating what I'm going through openly but there have definitely still been seasons of seeking Him in struggles in that hidden place. It's just not as easy to navigate and search back through as on my blog.
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When blog posts come up in my memories I'm always convicted that I should start writing again. So, I've decided to start blogging again on Fridays (or sometime shortly thereafter) with the Five Minute Friday prompts. Maybe it will prime the pump on my writing and I will resume blogging more regularly. Maybe not.
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Until next weekSonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-22451423462487537832016-02-24T00:29:00.000-05:002016-02-25T00:23:03.822-05:00Conflict Happens... I'm thankful for graceThis morning I was upstairs doing something in the kitchen when I heard angry noises coming up from the basement and saw a shot from a play doctor's kit go shooting past me very quickly. I knew that the conflict in the basement was not going to resolve itself and I ran downstairs and had everyone sit down in a circle.<br />
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There are currently 8 sinners living in this house in a situation that is far from normal for any of us. Some have parents and baby brother far away getting a new sister, some are far from home and far from their dad. The one thing we all know is there is just 3 more sleeps until our situation changes and 4 more people come/ come back to live in this house. We are all excited for that day, for "Mommy and Daddy and Si-Si" to return and to meet Haddy in person. Many of us are also excited for the day not too long after when we will no longer be homesick because we will be home.<br />
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We've had a lot of fun and made some fun memories and gotten to know each other in ways we have never had the chance to before. I'm grateful. Our time together has gone well, better than I expected really. These three precious kids have gone through a lot of change in the last few months - a new house, a new baby brother and now their parents have been gone for longer than they have ever been gone before and very soon a new rambunctious 2 year old sister will be living with them. I think of those stress level quizzes and their levels would be off the charts. They have done really well but everyone is getting weary and I figured this last week would get progressively harder on everyone.<br />
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This morning was a prime example. It was not the first conflict we have had but it was definitely one of the biggest.<br />
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I knew I had a group of sinners, few (if any) who were innocent in the conflict. Rarely is it just one person's fault as we sinners tend to respond sinfully when we are sinned against. After sitting down with the kids in a circle on the floor I gave them the opportunity to confess their sins and ask forgiveness from whomever they had wronged. I started with the oldest. They all admitted what they had done wrong (with some reminder coaching to not use the "but" word because an apology with a "but" in it is blame-casting not a true apology, taking responsibility for wrong done) and asked for forgiveness and forgave. We then moved on to confrontation of any wrongs that were not confessed using OIC (Observation - just the facts, Interpretation - how I view the facts, Confirmation - did I miss anything?) and some things were cleared up that were not clear before. Everyone wasn't <i>completely</i> happy after our confessing/ confronting exercise and some people were still not thrilled that those people didn't want to do the activity that they really wanted them to do with them but things were returned, relationships were restored and play resumed after a quick prayer of thanks for forgiveness.<br />
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<i>"Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake has forgiven you."</i> Ephesians 4:32 is quoted at my house pretty often. In every conflict people have opportunities to be kind or opportunities to forgive or both.<br />
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Being kind and forgiving do not come naturally and I'm thankful for tools that I have been given to use in conflict. Rarely does a day go by that I am not thankful that we didn't get into medical school starting in the fall of '08 (as painful as that was) so we were still in Rochester and going to Northridge for the <a href="http://www.northridgerochester.com/messages/fighting-fair-2008/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fighting Fair</a> series and for all the helpful relationship tools I was introduced to as a result of that series. I am a different person and my family is different because of the perspective we've gained about conflict through that series. If conflict is a part of your everyday life or even if you don't encounter conflict often I highly recommend a listen through either the <a href="http://www.northridgerochester.com/messages/fighting-fair-2008/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">2008</a> or the <a href="http://www.northridgerochester.com/messages/fighting-fair/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">2014</a> version of Fighting Fair. (Yes, it's so good and so important that it was repeated. I listen to it at least once a year.)<br />
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I'm thankful for the conflict the kids had this morning. I've had neat conversations with many of them as a result of it and it makes me so thankful for God's grace and forgiveness.<br />
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It's funny, as I was starting to write this Abigail saw what I was typing and said, "Mom, you know, I actually didn't even remember about this morning. See? Forgive and forget."<br />
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<i>Thank You, Lord, for opportunities to grow through conflict. I love You. Please help these 7 little and not so little ones to grow in their love for You and their love for each other as a result of trials in their lives and may they not become bitter, may they be kind and quick to confess and quick to forgive. Me too. Thank You for forgiving us.</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisGq3HEJ0StXlIBVjH8y2xCZkq8NtScpe6zX6wdxR9jBCBuFvrxAD1wYZQfbytRF7OJ3oR-YvAZ0DQkloPhluFTIYKidXjv-vXbHP9oxyKEbLgalWPARoFPEYfov3jUdD3ap1iVQ/s1600/photo%252812%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisGq3HEJ0StXlIBVjH8y2xCZkq8NtScpe6zX6wdxR9jBCBuFvrxAD1wYZQfbytRF7OJ3oR-YvAZ0DQkloPhluFTIYKidXjv-vXbHP9oxyKEbLgalWPARoFPEYfov3jUdD3ap1iVQ/s320/photo%252812%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My cute, crazy companions.</td></tr>
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Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-91122404037510367642016-02-05T18:35:00.001-05:002016-02-05T19:34:43.659-05:00Five Minute Friday: Focus<div>
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<span style="line-height: 16.5pt;">There are lots of distractions around here. From 4 kids to a dog to piles of stuff everywhere to never ending homeschool plans and teaching and questions and grading to this handy little device that I am writing this post on. It's time to eat again already? Squirrel. </span></div>
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The idea of multi-tasking is a lie but I try. I try to get multiple things done at the same time but it doesn't work. </div>
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The key to effectiveness is focus. I truly need to learn to focus on what is most important but it is so hard. </div>
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"Martha, Martha... one thing is needful. Mary has chosen what is best and it will not be taken from her." Luke 10</div>
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<i>Oh Lord, please help me to be more like Mary.</i><br />
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Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-90180235855094865292016-01-27T01:45:00.001-05:002016-01-27T08:07:53.622-05:00Review: Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled WorldIt's amazing the difference gratitude makes.<br />
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Yesterday in my Timehop there were links from two of my blog posts <a href="http://maasupdate.blogspot.com/2012_01_01_archive.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">4 years ago</a>. It was obvious from reading them that I was really struggling with depression which is pretty common this time of the year for me. Between Thanksgiving and the end of February I often live under a cloud of depression that makes it hard for me to come out from under the covers for days at a time.<br />
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I was really struggling with depression earlier in this month as well. Glenn is gone this month and add that to my normal propensity toward depression, things were not going well for me emotionally or in any other way.<br />
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But God <i>(don't you love those words?)</i> had a plan. <br />
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When we got home from Christmas with Glenn's family there was an envelop in the mail with a Gratitude Bracelet on a card like this one.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOAFpD6Ti1l2yuPVy53QVlrUvDdGHzOhj1ROdaI-wwDIFv1p32b0P8iV-oNmreetsgBWYYEjFqIR8eR3tIwJNHOxQK-pz1Fv1LWSZRhvbGhoyDJEHAzaQKfdHEaHXRN9y9a5dew/s1600/gratitudebracelet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOAFpD6Ti1l2yuPVy53QVlrUvDdGHzOhj1ROdaI-wwDIFv1p32b0P8iV-oNmreetsgBWYYEjFqIR8eR3tIwJNHOxQK-pz1Fv1LWSZRhvbGhoyDJEHAzaQKfdHEaHXRN9y9a5dew/s320/gratitudebracelet.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It was my first clue: I WAS IN!! I had requested to be on the <a href="http://wearethatfamily.com/2015/11/join-the-raising-grateful-kids-launch-team/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">launch team</a> for <a href="http://wearethatfamily.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kristen</a>'s new book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B012P6HTWS/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World</a>, because I have loved so many of the posts that Kristen has written on her blog. Her kids are close in age to my kids and they live counter culturally, help refugees and women overseas and I have learned a lot from her. I also <i>really do</i> want to raise grateful kids in this entitled world and could use any help I can get in doing so. I really didn't expect to make the cut because I don't have a huge following and somehow I had missed the email telling me that I was on the launch team so when I saw the bracelet I was so excited!<br />
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This book is a great read. Kristen doesn't sugar coat how hard it is to be a mom. It's not written from an "I have arrived do what I did" standpoint. She is still in the trenches of this parenting thing. She shares some successes and some failures. Some things she shared made me think, "I'm glad we don't struggle with that" but so many other things she shared about made me think, "I'm right there with you" or "Oh, we need to get there." In many areas her family has had to back track and make changes in their family which has not been easy but gives me hope because my children are no longer babies either and there are some changes we need to make around here.<br />
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In the book she navigates some tough waters: child-centered home problems, selfishness, delayed gratification, comparison, complaining, technology choices, relationships, responsibility, obedience, gratitude.<br />
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There are so many great quotes in the book but one quote that stuck out to me was: <b>"Here's the simple truth that isn't so simple: Raising kids to be
different from the world really does make them different from the
world."</b> We have this discussion around our house often, about how weird we are. We're weird on purpose and they like being weird most of the time (I think). We're trying to raise our kids to think differently about the world, to see the needs of others and to help, and to think of others more than they think of themselves. We are not always successful but occasionally my kids are praised by people who are amazed at them when my kids just feel like they are doing something normal, something that everyone should be doing. This is often hard for my kids because they have seen the blessings of serving, of giving, and of reaching out to others and looking for the good in every situation and they can't understand why everyone wouldn't want to do those things.<br />
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Here are a few more quotes that stuck out to me:<br />
* "When we have everything, we are thankful for nothing. When we have nothing, we are thankful for everything."<br />
* "All that time I thought she wanted to be rescued, and instead she just
wanted to know that I would rescue her if she needed me to. Part of our
job is to reassure kids that we will be there for them, and we are, but
the rest of the job requires that we walk away. Kids will continue to
let us rescue them if we continue to rest in their side."<br />
* "most kids will let us continue to solve their problems if we play
along. I'm obviously not against helping my kids out. Mistakes happen and
we all get busy and forgetful, but when it becomes a habit and we
consistently bail our kids out, we are entitling them to continue the
pattern. And this mentality has produced a society of adultolescents."<br />
* As a parent, more than anything else, I want my kids to follow Christ. It’s higher on my list than success, happiness, financial stability, and education. I don’t want them to attend church out of habit or duty. I want them to have a deep, abiding relationship with Him because I’m convinced this is the only road to contentment, true success, and happiness in life. I don’t know what the future holds for Madison, Jon-Avery, and Emerson. I can’t foresee the joy and pain they will find on life’s path. I can’t predict the victories and the earth-shattering defeats. I can’t always protect them, but Jesus can. He can be with them in life when I can’t be. And He will walk with them in every season. At the end of my life, I want Psalm 127:1 to be my legacy: “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain”<br />
* "The humble person says that life is a <i>gift to be grateful for,</i> not a <i>right to be claimed.</i>"<br />
* "If we are going to compare ourselves to those who have more, we must also compare ourselves to those who have less."<br />
* "But I learned it's never too late to apologize. And that's what I did. I
confessed my wrongdoing to my child and asked for forgiveness. I would
give anything to go back and change what transpired if I could. But I
learned something valuable from it: "Winning" a fight with our kids only
makes two losers. We have the opportunity patiently walk with them
through their pain and try to understand the root of their attitude or
negative behavior. But we have to take it."<br />
* "When hands are busy serving others, we aren't thinking about what we don't have. Instead, we are thankful for what we do have." <br />
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There is so much more good stuff in <u>Raising Grateful Kids</u> but one thing I love about the book is that at the end of each chapter Kristen gives 2-3 quick, practical, age appropriate suggestions to try to apply what she talked about in your life as parents, with your toddlers/preschoolers, with your elementary kids, and with your tweens/teens that you can try right now.<br />
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I really feel like reading this book and being on the launch team has helped me get through this month. It helped me to think of others and not to wallow and get lost in my cloud. One of the biggest blessings was the Instagram challenge that we were given to post about people we appreciate, things that made us smile and how God has been good. As a family we have always done <a href="http://maasupdate.blogspot.com/2012/07/whats-working-wednesday-thank-you-books.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"thank Yous</a>" at night before we go to bed but having that challenge helped me to focus specifically on being thankful more and encouraged me to really look for and think about and truly be grateful for things and people in my life more than just the for the few minutes when I'm desperately trying to get my kids to go to bed at the end of a long day. I've always known gratitude was important but this month I was able to see it actually break through the fog of my depression and for that I am very grateful.<br />
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There are so many things I need to grow in as a mom and in this book Kristen has given me many ideas, challenges and so much encouragement. I highly recommend it.<br />
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One final quote:<br />
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"Our kids are watching us. And when we feel like we are failing or we
don't know what to do next, the answer is always to get closer to Jesus
because when we do, those around us just might inch closer too."<br />
<br />Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-73455742088479328592016-01-04T01:51:00.000-05:002016-01-04T01:51:31.716-05:00Grateful for the Scenic RouteThis morning I was given a glad reminder about our good Father. We were reading about the Israelites leaving Egypt and we were handed a map (pictured below) and we read:<br />
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<i>"When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, "Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt." But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea..." Exodus 13:17-18</i></blockquote>
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Looking at the map it would make the most sense to take the route from Goshen to Canaan that I traced in pink. It's short, easy, a couple of weeks max. That, obviously to me, is the best route but it isn't the route He led them on. He led them on the long circuitous route traced in blue through the wilderness because He knew them and He knew what was best and that they would learn so much along that route that they would never learn if they took the short cut.<br />
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This map is a great picture to me of the path we have been on. Back when we were first married at the all knowing ages of 19 and 21 we thought we knew the path we were going to take and just how long it was going to take and what it would look like and that we would arrive at our planned destination quickly and easily.<br />
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That is not how it has ended up. He knows us and He knows what would have waylaid us had we taken the quick, easy route so He, in His wisdom and grace, has granted to us the scenic route. It has not been easy. It has not always been beautiful. There have been many painful experiences along the way but He has proven His goodness and His faithfulness to us time and time again through it all and I love Him all the more because of what He has taught me about Himself (and about my own sinful self) on the scenic route He has led us on. I am thankful for the wilderness because I know that I have learned so much in it that I would never have learned had He granted to us the easy way.<br />
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Related side note/ example: Time and time again I have thanked God that I didn't have my babies during med school and residency. He knew that I wouldn't have been able to handle that well and sometimes I feel bad that med school entrance may have been delayed as a blessing to me as but it has been so nice to be able to sleep through the night and have "big people" to talk to during the countless hours Glenn is away. He knew best.<br />
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One more kind of silly example from today: Tonight I was able to Facetime and text through Whatsapp with Glenn though he is on a rotation on the other side of the world. It made me think: had we been on our plan and our timing he would have been at this point in his training seven-ish years ago and I don't think such opportunities for easy communication existed back then. I'm thankful for the technological advances that allow us to keep in touch.<br />
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I give Him all the glory. He is faithful. You can trust Him. Even when the way is long and hard and doesn't make sense. <br />
<br />Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28287416.post-20219187209724975092015-12-24T13:24:00.000-05:002015-12-24T13:28:54.270-05:00We have (another) vanWe have been looking for a replacement vehicle for a while (since, you know, <a href="http://maasupdate.blogspot.com/2014/05/one-year-ago-today-broken-axle-thank.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">May of 2013 when the rear subframe of our van snapped on our way up to NY for graduation</a>).
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We said goodbye to Winnie (our '02 Ford Windstar) back then but while we were on our graduation trip in a rental we decided to have mechanic our tow driver recommended put a used piece put on her to fix her to sell her. She wasn't fixed exactly right but she got us from point A to point B (she mostly went from home to the hospital). We decided she should be a Metroplex only vehicle because we didn't trust her frame and rented a van for vacation though we have taken her to Louisiana twice to visit Glenn's parents.
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God gave us Ghana ('97 Ford Taurus) when our friends moved to Ghana in the spring of '14. She has taken us to New York twice, Wyoming once, Louisiana once (?), up to Ohio in early November, and all over the metroplex. She's been a huge blessing because she sits 6 so we can all fit in her. She started making a funny noise last Thursday and I mentioned it to Glenn. When he mentioned it to his dad his dad recommended not driving it because it might be the rod. He drove it home from work anyway and had a friend who has mechanic training listen and he shouted, "Rod, rod, rod rod rod," so Glenn would turn her back off. I honestly have no idea what that means but, from what I've gathered, it's bad. Like don't drive her again bad. :(<br />
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We (really Glenn) had already been looking for vehicles more lately anyway because he wants us to have a reliable vehicle when he's gone next month and I wanted something with at least 8 seats so I can cart all 7 kids legally in a few weeks when the kids and I go up to watch my nephews and niece while my brother and sister-in-love head off to get the little girl they're adopting. The "rod" thing and the fact that Winnie seems to be having possible transmission issues and the fact that Winnie's frame is just bits of rust kind of stuck together made it more of a priority.
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On Saturday Caleb had a birthday party up 199 and there are lots of used car lots up that way. While he was paint balling the rest of us used car lot hopped. We met several nice used car salesmen, figured out how to have the kind of conversation we wanted with used car salesmen (after a few mistakes), looked in several vehicles, and made Hannah get in the back of lots of vehicles to check leg room. It was helpful as we were able to cross several types of vehicles off of our possibilities list because there was not enough legroom or not enough storage space for us.
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After looking at a minivan at one of the lots we noticed an old conversion van and asked about it. It had been a trade in and he didn't know much about it but let us check it out. The legroom was enormous and the seats were comfy. Hannah was in love.
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After picking up Caleb, Winnie choked a bit and we kind of seriously joked about seeing if the guy would give us an even trade for her. Instead we continued to the mall and watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens (a special thanks to our dentist, Dr Tillman, for free tickets).
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After church on Sunday, Glenn and I sat on our bed and compared craigslist ads for various vehicles we were considering, most of them being big vans (conversion or other passenger vans) and contacted a few owners.
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After looking and talking for quite a while we decided to move to the urgent/ not important quadrant of our to do list and go to Six Flags to use Glenn's pass before it expired (the urgent part) and continue our conversation while in line for rides. It was so nice to just get out and have fun as a family and enjoy the pretty lights of Holiday in the Park.<br />
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While there we missed a return call from one of the owners but we got home too late to call him back so we called him on Monday afternoon. The van had 10 seats, which fit our "8 or more" desire so we decided to go check it out. The owners have 7 kids and replaced her with a newer van that seats 15 so they can bring friends along. We totally understand that since we can only fit one extra person in Winnie so if we have more than that someone has to sit illegally. Driving to the northeast corner of the metroplex during rush hour was NOT fun but we got there and checked her out. After checking her out and talking to the owner about the price we decided we would chat about it on the long drive home. Four and a half hours after leaving home we got back to Fort Worth and chatted with friends from our small group about whether we should buy her or not and decided to do so. <br />
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Tuesday afternoon we drove back out there and picked her up and, while the dads worked on paperwork and talked about more of the van's idiosyncrasies, I had a great conversation with the wife (another homeschool mom) and our kids had fun playing with each other. I think that our families would be great friends if they didn't live on "the other side of the world."<br />
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Welcome to the family, Black Beauty (her given name) or The Beast (what I think we should call her) or something else... we haven't come to an agreement on her name yet. She may not be our forever car but she has room for more than just us and we are grateful for her and I guess I will be getting used to driving a big van. We get to try her out for her first #wanderingmaases adventure today as we go to Lake Charles to visit Glenn's family for Christmas.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU55WHG5In6Mdlur8KVBg_TGcaFblHS51yhv8c5PF49sd6wra5Tj8Hre1t4i_XJTtB_RDsAyci0XvdsK2uQI3-ndDbBJECr4u6duaIpbRNhqFGIixNbmuLM5BYyD7hrNFEUDCKTA/s1600/photo%25286%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU55WHG5In6Mdlur8KVBg_TGcaFblHS51yhv8c5PF49sd6wra5Tj8Hre1t4i_XJTtB_RDsAyci0XvdsK2uQI3-ndDbBJECr4u6duaIpbRNhqFGIixNbmuLM5BYyD7hrNFEUDCKTA/s320/photo%25286%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a> </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb0wEoe9XwHF0NY4MB-LCRaI9YYqnq5y9fQJ7sIl02OqsmkCAW0btCkMJ5AN_Aigm8E6K-ctfhY_tFspT87ecQtWM-hH_yJUGfMhyrg8MGRKaUyb58Jm-7Ll3Q4gkuZufTW_80WQ/s1600/photo%25287%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb0wEoe9XwHF0NY4MB-LCRaI9YYqnq5y9fQJ7sIl02OqsmkCAW0btCkMJ5AN_Aigm8E6K-ctfhY_tFspT87ecQtWM-hH_yJUGfMhyrg8MGRKaUyb58Jm-7Ll3Q4gkuZufTW_80WQ/s320/photo%25287%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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It has 4 captain's seats and a bench that sits 4 in the back (that also folds down into a bed). </div>
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We could live in there or at least use it as a play house (which the girls did yesterday with a friend).</div>
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Now, to decide what to do with our other 2 vehicles...</div>
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<i>Thanks, God, for providing a vehicle for us. Please help us to use it for Your glory.</i></div>
Sonjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17835982775069289317noreply@blogger.com0