Sinking

NOTE: Writing helps me process what I am going through. I really didn't want to post this blog here but after talking to God about it He reminded me that the word He chose for me for this year is "Open" and because of that I need to so here is some yuckiness that I typed up last night before falling asleep. I plan to blog more about going through this process.

Sinking. Every year at this time of the year I feel like I'm sinking.The days technically get longer but they are so dark for me, even if the sun is shining. The darkness often overwhelms me and I sink.

But I can't sink. I shouldn't sink. I have so many responsibilities.

The sinking has started for this year. It's helpful that I've recognized it early. Recognizing that I have a problem will, Lord willing, help me through it. There have been years where I haven't recognized it for some time and we've lost weeks of what should have been productive school and family time to me with my head stuck (literally or figuratively) under my pillow.

Today I felt the pull trying to make me sink. Finally, with God's help, at 9am I was able to open my door and give my kids a time frame for school to start and set a timer to make it happen (timers are my friends). We were able to have a productive school day (so thankful for our school routine which has been so helpful in rescuing many a crazy day this year!).

Late this afternoon I started sinking again. It was time to start dinner and I didn't have the energy to make tortillas for our normal Tuesday Tacos. I talked with Glenn and he suggested possibly going out to eat. We both know that's not in our budget and that there's a lot of food around here that needs eaten before our move so we really shouldn't. We came to the conclusion that we should have stirfry since we had all of the ingredients readily available and he had Caleb come in and help me so I wouldn't have to make supper on my own. Even with the decision made (which is often the hard part for me) I still had a hard time not crawling under the covers instead of making dinner but I'm glad that, with God's help and Caleb's, I did make dinner.

Lord, please help me. When I am sinking pull me up. Help me to glorify You and praise You in this season of darkness and not wallow in my pit.

I emailed this to my blog and in formatting before posting this morning I noticed my favorite quote in my signature just before I erased it. Reading it again I think I'll leave it because it is a good reminder to me!

In time of trouble, say, "First, he brought me here. It is by his will
I am in this strait place; in that I will rest." Next, "He will keep
me here in his love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as his
child." Then say, "He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me
lessons he intends me to learn, and working in me the grace he means
to bestow." And last, say, "In his good time he can bring me out
again. How and when, he knows." Therefore, say, "I am here (1) by
God's appointment, (2) in his keeping, (3) under his training, (4) for
his time." ~Andrew Murray.