Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts

Monday, June 04, 2018

Home

Home. It's such a funny term.


The Saturday before last we were scrambling around trying to get some important paperwork together for our next step and, just before taking everything to the post office, we realized we were missing some important pieces of paper. Those papers are not here. They are "back there" in our lockbox in the home of some friends. We had the key though… that's the important part, right? In place of mailing our important paperwork we mailed the key to our friends so they can retrieve the paperwork and mail it to us.


All of the scrambling around left me feeling very unsettled and longing for “home.”
“If only I could go home and get all this paperwork straightened out.”
“If only I could go home and sort through our lockbox and see what else we left behind that we might need.”
“If only all of our stuff was in one place not spread from here to kingdom come.”
“Everything here is overwhelming. I just want to go home.”
“I just want to go home.”
“I just want to go home.”


But… going home isn't an option. We have a commitment to finish our time here and then a commitment to spend two years in the next place before we go back to the place we moved here from. I've loved my time here and I'm looking forward to seeing what the two years after this hold.


Even when we return back there in a couple of years (which we will “get to” do to raise support) I have no idea where we’ll land since there is no such thing as home. There are cities and towns we have lived in, friends and family whom we love, a few boxes in my brother’s basement and the home of a friend but no physical place to call home. Going “home” often implies going to see parents… except when you don't have any… which makes me end up longing for heaven, my true home, which isn't really a bad thing.


To be honest, I started feeling pretty sorry for myself. Lego Batman’s words ran through my mind: “Darkness. No parents.” It probably didn't help that, besides the upcoming transitions, we’re in this part of the calendar near significant dates from my past related to my parents.


I chatted with Glenn and he reminded me that we have an apartment that we live in. Yes, it doesn’t have all of our stuff but we got rid of almost everything we didn't bring with us besides memories. This is our home now. That is ok.


The next morning, when I sat down for my quiet time, I saw that the next thing on my reading/responding plan was “L.” L stands for listening and it has become my favorite part as my loving Father gently reminds me of scriptures and encourages me.


That morning He said:
“I am your home. When you are seeking and striving after some kind of security, come to Me. Your security can't be in a place where all your stuff or all your important people are. Your stuff, your important people are and will be more and more in the years to come spread from here to the ends of the earth. You can't pull everything close to you and hold them tight and think you can keep everything and everyone safe but you can trust Me! I am your home. I am your safety. I am your security. I will be with you when you have no one when you have nothing I will be there and I will be enough. You can trust Me. I will never leave you or forsake you. Keep seeking Me. Keep sneaking away with Me. Keep following Me and obeying Me. Keep trusting Me and I will prove Myself faithful, trustworthy, good, just. I am a jealous G*d. I don't want to fight this longing for home you struggle with. What you are truly longing for is Me. Keep seeking Me, my beloved child. I will be found by you. I will speak for you when you have no words. Let Me be your mouth. I love you, Sonja. I am with you. I will strengthen you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. You can put all of your eggs in My basket and trust Me to make and do with them what I want.”


Immediately afterwards one of my favorite songs,“Mon Secours est en Toi,” started playing in my head:
“Si la lune me glace, (if the moon makes me cold)
Le soleil menace, (the sun threatens)
Crèateur des étoiles, (Creator of the stars)
Mon Secours est en Toi. (my help/ relief/ rescue is in You)
Si mes larmes ruissellent, (If my tears fall)
Et que mon pas chancelle, (and If my steps falter)
Créateur de la terre, (Creator of the earth)
Mon secours est en toi, (my help is in You)

“Je lève les yeux, (I lift my eyes)
Vers les hauts sommets, (towards the high summits)
Toi seul est mon Dieu, (You alone are my God)
Je proclamerai: (I will proclaim)
Toi seul est ma force, (You alone are my strength)
Toi seul me restaure (You alone restore me)
Mon secours est en toi (my help is in You)
Toujours tu me portes (You always carry me)
Jamais tu ne dors (You never sleep)
Mon secours est en toi (my help is in You)

"Si la peur m’envahit (If the fear overwhelms me)
Et mon âme chavire, (and my soul capsizes)
Createur de la vie (Creator of life)
Mon secours est en toi (my help is in You)

"Ta victoire , mon espoir (Your victory, my hope)
Ton chemin, mon destin (Your path, my destiny)
Ton salut, mon refuge (Your salvation, my refuge)
Tout est en toi” (everything is in You)


He was right. In longing for “home” I wasn't really longing for a physical place. I was longing for a feeling of safety and security and of being in control. He is enough even when I don't feel safe or secure. He is way better at being in control than I am.


Turns out… the kids need their passports for their test on Tuesday so I'm glad we hadn't mailed them off yet.


He knows best.
He is enough.

I can trust Him even when I don't understand. 

Lord, through all the generation you have been our home!
Psalm 90:1 NLT 

Monday, July 08, 2013

Remember. Take 2.

Last week I needed to come up a list of all the addresses that we've lived at for the past 7 years for some paperwork for the hospital for Glenn. I discovered that over the last 7 years our mail has gone to 11 addresses (one of which we've slept at a couple of times but never actually lived at). If I had filled out this paperwork last month it would have been 12. Abigail, our baby, is 7 years old. All 6 of us have been there for all 12 of those address changes. A complicating factor in the paperwork process was that we were homeless for 2.5 months at the beginning of medical school and 3.5 months at the end. I just decided to put down the address that our mail went to for those time periods because it is most likely for a background check so that is where the government assumed we lived. I don't think we have even gotten a parking or speeding ticket over the last 7 years so I doubt his background check will turn up anything.

After doing my research to come up with our old address list (and saving it to google drive for next time) I came across this post that I had written a couple days after a FMF on Remember back at the end of March (hence the title). It is a trip down memory lane of places we've lived. I have several posts in my drafts list that I've written or started over the last several months of transition that I'll be posting here over the next month or so, Lord willing. Here is the first:

Now that we know what city we are going to be living in for the next 3-4 years the next hurdle that we need to overcome is housing. We've been living out of our van sleeping in the homes of friends, relatives, and occassionally people who are practically strangers to us for the last almost 10 weeks. Oh, we also slept for almost 4 weeks on a docked ship in the middle of those 10 weeks and for this past week we've been sleeping in an old schoolhouse that's been renovated to be a nice vacation rental (if you're looking for a nice vacation spot near the Adirondacks check it out!!). It's been an adventure and we've been able to help people at several of our stops but I'm growing weary.

As we've been weighing the rent vs buy question and scouring the internet for homes it has made me think back and thank God for our previous homes.

Our first home was a two bedroom apartment that was part of a 4 apartment house that we rented from TTU for only $150 a month. I think it was originally supposed to be more than that but that is how our lease came to us. It was ridiculous how cheap it was but it was God's provision because that was about what we could afford at the time with both of us still being full time students and newly married. Young and foolish, yes, but God took care of us.

A year later we moved from our first apartment to our first little two bedroom house. We wanted to move to a nicer neighborhood since we were new parents of little Caleb. Our rent doubled at that point but God continued to provide since we were making a bit more more money with both of us working at least part time.

Late the next spring we were thinking about moving again just south of the border into Georgia because Glenn was looking at going to the Medical College of Georgia and to go there at the time you needed to be a GA resident. God had other plans though and, after mom's heart attacks and subsequent problems, we went up to New York to be there to help out. It was decided we should move up there so Glenn drove down and, with the help of our Sunday School class, packed up our little house in a day and moved our stuff up. We stored our stuff and moved in with my dad for a while to help him out. (I'm wondering if this was technically the first time we were homeless).

We lived with my dad until about Christmas when we moved into a 3 bedroom apartment that we rented from my grandparents. While there we continued to help my dad and visit my mom. Glenn had various jobs including substitute teaching, working as a tech at a hospital and working in a factory making portable bandsawmills. We welcomed Hannah home in that place.

After mom passed away we decided that we needed to get Glenn back in school so he could finish his education. Through a series of events it was decided that we were going to go to Houghton. It was only about 2 hours from Waterloo and we made several drives down there to try to find a place to live. We finally found the apartment over the mini-mart in mid-July and made the move in early August.

In late November I was getting a bit nervous looking at our bank account and wondering how we were going to be able to pay rent on our apartment for the rest of the school year with the whole no jobs available in the area thing I mentioned on Friday. A few days later I was approached by a friend of my parents who lived in town. He asked me if we would be willing to house sit for them for the spring semester. They always spent the winters down south and had often had people house sit for them. They told us that we could stay in their home and they would just have us pay half of the utilities (since they would have had to keep the heat and freezer running even if they weren't there and would have to pay at least that much anyway they reasoned). We saw it as a gift from God so we said "yes, thank you!" and put most of our stuff in a storage unit and moved into their home before leaving to go to Georgia to visit Glenn's sister for Christmas. That beautiful home was the place we welcomed Lydia home to.

The thing with house sitting for a semester for snow birds is that semesters end and snow birds come north for the summer. I really can't remember exactly what we did after we moved out during finals week. I'm with Dory... "I'm a little vague in the details." Hmm. Anyway, that summer we lived various places... between dad's house, our friend's one bedroom apartment, our Burb, our tents in various locations while Glenn worked for STEP. They fought over who actually claimed us in our Christmas letter that year. I was really grateful to move into a 4 bedroom house that we rented from some missionaries for the next 23 months. Abigail joined us there.

After Glenn's job for the year was done and he didn't get into medical school the first time we found out that my grandparents had tenants move out on them in the middle of the night. We decided that we should move to Waterloo and rent from them again while we tried to decide what to do. Glenn substitute taught and retook his MCATs while I homeschooled Caleb and worked a day a week as a secretary. After a few months we moved across the parking lot to a cheaper, smaller apartment also owned by my grandparents.

Glenn was able to get a job working at a hospital in Rochester the next year and we spent a bit of time and many a day driving around looking at apartments there. God provided us with an apartment less than a block from the hospital at a decent price and we moved in with a 11 month lease assuming that we'd be starting medical school at the end of the next summer. It was a great apartment and we loved living so close to Highland Park.

Well, it turns out that Glenn was put on two different wait lists but didn't get a seat in a medical school class that year. Since we hadn't signed a new lease our landlord rented our apartment to others and we were not sure what we were doing since we assumed we were starting medical school. A gracious couple from our small group invited us to stay in their home for a couple of months while we tried to figure out our next steps and they spent a good bit of that time on a mission trip.

While looking for a place in Rochester again we really wanted to live near the park again and God provided us a little house (2 bedrooms, about 600sq feet) with Highland Park as our back yard. We lived there when we got the news that Glenn was accepted to medical school and found out that we got to move to Syracuse.

Craigslist and Orange Housing were both helpful in finding a place to live in Syracuse and, since Glenn was taking summer anatomy, we decided to sublet for the summer instead of get a year's lease to try to figure out where in Syracuse we wanted to spend our 4 years there. Our 3 bedroom apartment sublet (with two porches) was great and we loved the neighborhood but before the end of our time in that apartment we found out that we were approved to buy a house. Thus started our painful house hunting/ adventures in homelessness 2009 version. God provided a place for us to sleep every night but it was tiring and stressful moving around, living out of our van and constantly looking at houses, putting in offers, and having things fall through all while Glenn was starting medical school.

That's where I stopped in March, so I'll finish our walk down memory lane now.

Graciously in October, after 2.5 months of being homeless, we were able to move into a 3br 2bath flat just a block from the place we had sublet. We moved our stuff out of the attic of the house we had sublet (where the landlord had graciously let us store our possessions for free) and into the apartment that wasn't really ready for a family to move into yet (There was a sink, toilet and bathtub in the living/ dining area and piles of saw dust and debries everywhere because of a problem that had happened in one of the bathrooms and the reconstruction that needed to be done. Within a week or two it was cleaned up and there was a complete, working bathroom for us.) We thoroughly enjoyed living there. We think that our landlord saw that and decided that, since it was such a great place for a family, he wanted to move back in and told us on Easter that he was going to fix it up and move in himself.

That was, again, not part of our plan but God was gracious and quickly provided another 3br apartment just a few blocks away for us to live in for our last 22 months in Syracuse. After that Glenn started his RMED track in Lowville, about 2 hours from Syracuse. The hospital graciously found and provided a 3br apartment for our 10 months there. We had no idea what it was going to be like, having not seen it before moving all of our belongings there, but it worked out great and we are so thankful for our time there.

Well his rural rotation ended in January, as did our lease, as did most of his medical school requirements. We weren't going to find out where we were moving to until mid-March at the Match so we put our stuff in storage once again and set out for our mystery months adventures, living out of our van visiting programs, friends and family and volunteering a bit along the way.

After finding out we were moving to Fort Worth for residency we did some searching online for housing then packed all of our stuff up in an ABF UPack trailer and headed south so we could see places in person. We arrived in the DFW area in early April and started looking for a place to live while friends in Dallas graciously let us take over 2 of the bedrooms in their home for a while. Our belongings were put into another storage unit down here while we looked for a place to live. We finally found a place (some more details on that process available here) and are now living at address #11 in the past 7 years, address #20 in the past almost 14 years of marriage.

As I was writing I noticed I wrote the word "gracious" a lot. Grace. Getting what we don't deserve. We have moved a lot. It hasn't always been our choice but God has abundantly provided in places to live, in food to eat, in friends to share life with, in churches to serve in and to challenge us to grow and so much more. We don't deserve any of it but I can honestly say God has been faithful and so generous.

One day this past week in my GMG Anything study I read Acts 4:32-27. That passage talks about how in the early days of the church no one really considered anything that they owned as theirs but as belonging to the whole of the body of Christ. If there was a need the followers of Christ would do what they needed to do to meet that need. Reading it made me think of how many times over the past 14 years we have been the recipients of that grace. I'm so humbled to think of the number of people who have opened their homes to us and who have shared with us what they had just like the church did in Acts. It is humbling to be on the receiving end of that grace. I have learned a lot about hospitality and giving by being on the receiving end of it. I look forward to being able to be on the giving end of it more in the days, months and years to come.

At the end of this time of remembering I just want to stop and say thanks to God for how He has always taken care of us. I also want to say thank you to countless dear friends who have been His hands and feet and have offered us beds and couches and places on their floors and at their tables over the years for anything from a night to over a month. How grateful we are for each and every one of you and the example of generosity you have been to us. We are so grateful!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Five Minute Friday: Here

We're here. In Texas. Finally. Or already. I'm really not sure.

We aren't in Fort Worth. We're in Dallas. Fort Worth still feels like a place you visit. It doesn't feel like a place you live. We haven't even visited any interesting things in Fort Worth yet besides the botanical gardens (which are pretty neat. We visited them with our friends from Dallas in whose house we are currently staying back in November when we came for the interview.), a couple of churches this past Sunday and several neighborhoods and a couple of apartment complexes.

All of our stuff is in Texas now, stuffed into a storage unit but, though our stuff is here and we are here, it is not home yet. It will be. Each new place does eventually feel like home. We will one day
(hopefully soon!) find a place to live.

For now we're here. We're grateful for friends we met at the GMHC in November that have been so gracious and generous and hospitable to let us stay in their home first with and now without them. We're grateful that God has called us here, scary as that is. We're excited to see what He's going to do.

STOP

Linking up with Five Minute Friday. 
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Five Minute Friday

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Going Home?

Lately we've had several opportunities to "go home." Going home... it's never quite the same as you remember it.

After spending a large portion of the winter in southern parts of the United States we went back to NY where we've been for the last 3.5 weeks. I've always considered New York home. Even when we lived in Tennessee New York was home to me.

The first "home" we went to upon re-entering New York was Syracuse. Syracuse is where we spent the first almost 3 years of medical school. We lived in 3 different apartments and attended 3-ish churches in our almost 3 years there. We spent our first night back in New York at a friend's house in Syracuse after Glenn's RMED finale thing. We returned the next week for Glenn to do some presentations and to be there for Bridge Day and Match Day. We saw some people and locations that we knew. We can find our way around Syracuse just fine and find things to do but, returning there, it didn't feel like home.

We spent our first weekend and the week after the Match up near Lowville. Lowville is where Glenn did his rural rotation, where we lived for 9.5 months. It is the last place that we had a physical place to call home that was larger than our van. Lowville felt a bit more like home maybe because it is the place that we had lived most recently and maybe because we had friends there and actually lived there instead of just survived. Still... it wasn't home. I cooked but it was in a strange kitchen. We all slept in beds but they weren't our beds. We had the chance to hang out with friends but we knew that our stay there was very temporary. Our friends gave us a place to stay for a short time. It was a blessing to us because we actually had our own space but it wasn't really our space, not home.

We've also spent a weekend and this past week in Waterloo, another "home." Waterloo is the town that I grew up in. It is the place where I spent the first 18 years of my life and a total of about 3 years as an adult. The physical places that I lived in are still there: the little apartment where I lived with my parents when I was born and where we lived for 10 months with 4 little ones, the big yellow house where I lived from when I was 2 until I got married, the apartment we lived in that  I still think of as Aunt Alyce's house even though we lived there for almost 2 years, and even Grandma Hansen's house where I spent so many hours while mom was teaching. The physical places are there but different people live in them now, people that I don't know. I can't just go up to the door and walk in and even if I did it wouldn't feel like home. Part of the feeling of home is the people. The people that were "home" for me in my formative years were my parents, my brother and my grandma Hansen. None of them are in Waterloo anymore. Only one of them is at home on this earth. The rest of them are Home. We have enjoyed our time at my grandparents' house with them and it has been nice to spend time with some aunts, uncles and cousins and a couple of friends as well but Waterloo doesn't feel like "home."

A couple of weeks ago, while in Waterloo, I had the chance to go "home" to Seneca Community Church. Seneca Community Church was the church that I grew up in. It is one of the places that God used to grow me up in Him. It was great to see and visit with many people that were so influential to me in my growing up years - Sunday School teachers, youth leaders, parents and grandparents of my friends, friends of my parents. How blessed I am to have grown up surrounded by that godly group of people! I'm thankful for facebook that helps me keep connected in the months and years between visits with them. I am humbled at the many that came up to me and told me that they still pray for us and that they love following us on facebook and through my blog. We don't get out there often but I am always thrilled at the number of people I don't know that God has brought into the church in the years since I attended there and I'm praying that God will direct us to a church with people like them to love and speak truth into my kids for our time in Fort Worth. Visiting SCC was great and though it was home it really isn't any more.

Sometime this past week a friend posted to his blog inviting people to their family's annual Highland Park sunrise service/ breakfast at Mount Hope diner which prompted us to make an early morning, spur of the moment trek to Rochester this morning. Rochester is another place we have called home. We lived in Rochester for two years while Glenn worked at a hospital and we waited for acceptance to medical school. It was home. We loved our church and had great small group experiences. When we left it almost 4 years ago we kind of planned to go back for residency or at least to apply. In Kansas City this summer, after praying about it and researching programs and knowing the kind of training that we really wanted Glenn to have to prepare us for our future, we decided not to apply and, with a few tears, threw away the paperwork for U of R.

Today we went back knowing we will, most likely, never live there again. While at church we got to see a few friends and were encouraged with the hope and joy that Resurrection Sunday brings. We knew we wouldn't see many people we knew showing up unannounced and not knowing which of the 3 services at 2 campuses many of our friends would be at. In actuality, a large number of our friends from there have moved away. I consider Northridge Church, like the church I grew up in, to be a sending church training and giving lay people opportunities to serve in the church so that they can be used of God in other churches where He moves them far away for their jobs or further training. Personal friends from our two years there are in at least seven different states and two different foreign countries. I love going back and recognizing hardly anyone knowing that God is using that church to reach more people in the Rochester area for Christ and to train and challenge people in their spiritual growth just as He used it in our lives.

In a lot of ways our brief trip back to Rochester felt more like a trip down memory lane than a trip home. After church we drove past two of the three places we lived in our time there. We also took a walk around Highland Park which was our yard for much of our time in Rochester. Abigail was young when we left and doesn't remember our time in Rochester so it was fun to show her around a bit and listen to everyone's memories of our time there. We even got to get a picture of the kids in their favorite tree. It doesn't look nearly as big as it did 5 years ago.

 Well... we've visited a lot of "homes" over the past few weeks but none of them have really felt like home. I regret that we didn't get to go "home" to Houghton though I know that wouldn't feel like "home" either. Tomorrow we get to go back up to Lowville, that place that is no longer home, to move our stuff out of a storage unit there into a trailer which will move our stuff to Fort Worth, our next home, where we'll be putting everything we own into another storage unit. I'm not sure if I am ready to go to this new place to call home. I think that I am still in denial of the face that we are moving to Texas. God has called us to move on.  Our roots never have a chance to get too deep. Last week we listed to a sermon on 1 Peter and we were reminded that, as followers of Christ, we are aliens and strangers here on earth and this place should never really feel like home to us. Maybe God has us keep moving to remind us that this world is not our home and to increase our longing for heaven.

As we prepare for the next step in our adventure I want to stop and thank God for the homes that He has so faithfully provided for us over the years and the many relationships that He has brought into our lives. We entrust the location and the timing of finding the next home He has for us to steward to Him, knowing He knows best our needs and that He will provide for us in His perfect timing. He knows our needs physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially and He will provide. I'm looking forward to seeing how He's going to do it.