I read the posts through some tears to the kids tonight and as I was reading them Caleb insisted that I should really make eclair cake and I could just run over to WalMart if I need something because it is just across the street. We did have Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream for Ice Cream for Breakfast Day this morning, one of my mom's favorites, isn't that enough? It was even "half the fat" - something she totally would have purchased. No? OK, so I had him pull the cool whip out of the freezer so we could make eclair cake tomorrow.
Tonight the kids and I went down to LifeChurch.tv for their Saturday night service. They are starting a series called "God Didn't Say That" and today's sermon was on "God Wants You to be Happy." In our culture so many people think that God's goal is to make us happy and if we're not happy then God failed.
Losing my mom did not make me happy. Does that mean God failed me? Absolutely not! Losing my mom has taught me so much about life and who God is and, though I'm not exactly grateful my mom is gone in so many ways I am thankful because without experiencing my mom's death I would have much less of an idea of the peace, comfort and joy that can be found only in Jesus.
God's goal is not my happiness. God's goal in allowing my mom to die is the same as His goal in every circumstance - that I will be make more like Him and to prove to me once again that He is enough. He is sufficient for my every need.
God's goal is not my happiness. The pastor tonight said instead God wants you blessed, more than happy. I'm not so sure I like the word blessed, probably because of some article I read on the internet but I know that God has used trials in my life for my good. It reminds me of a line in that "Blessings" song by Laura Story:
And all the while, You hear each spoken needI love that. He hears us. He heard my prayers about my mom. Healing my mom on this earth, though incredibly miraculous, would have been a lesser thing. Losing my parents has shown me to an even greater extent that "this is not our home" and it has been "the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy." It has indeed been His "mercies in disguise."
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Sure, God's primary goal is not my happiness but for me to know Him. I have known joy, peace, and strength that are only from Him. My goal is not my happiness. My goal is Him. He is enough.