Happy 9 Years in Heaven Mom

In just a couple of minutes I am going to go into my kitchen and make an Eclair Cake. I made my first one when my parents and Glenn's family came down for my college graduation and from that time on it was my mom's signature dish to bring to potlucks until that fateful day, May 23, 2001. I am making it today in honor of the 9th anniversary of her Home going. Later this afternoon I'll dig out pictures and tell the kids stories about the grandma that they never had the chance to know.

Mom, Caleb, & me from their last visit to TN for Easter in '01

This time of the year is always tough for me but I am also so thankful. This morning while I was exercising I listened to Carol Kent's radio talk from a few days ago on Trusting God When the Unthinkable Happens. At the end she said this: "God is showing me broken people minister to broken people so if you're broken, that's good." I have found this to be so true. I am NOT thankful that my mom is gone. I would LOVE to be able to have a conversation with her. (A couple of weeks ago, as I was thinking ahead to this date, I realized that I haven't had a conversation with my mom in the last 1/3 of my life, almost 11 years since she wasn't able to talk really after 5/23/01.) I am TOO OFTEN jealous of people who have parents, whose kids have grandparents. I often wonder what it would be like to have a mom as an adult and to be able to talk to her about everyday things and big things.

BUT.... I am SO thankful that God has allowed this BECAUSE I can understand the pain of others. I know the agony. I have experienced the uncontrolled sobbing that happens at such random times, the feelings of self-pity, the sorrow that comes from losing someone close. Many of my friends have lost parents since I have lost mine. I wouldn't have known how to pray for Phoebe, Olivia, Leah, Patricia, Courtney, Nikki, Amanda, and so many others if I had not experienced, in some measure, their pain myself. Just today, when I got up I saw on facebook that my friend Susan's dad, who had been ill for a while passed away. I've been there. I know the mixed feelings: SO thankful that he is no longer suffering, SO sad that you'll never have a conversation with him again in this life, SO thankful that this life is NOT the end, the homesickness for Heaven that comes from having a loved one there.

I am so thankful for the broken people that ministered to me, especially Jaye and Robin, 9 years ago. I am also so thankful for the opportunity to, as a broken person, be able to minister to other broken people. The trials in my life HAVE been for my good and HAVE enabled me to do things that I would never have been able to do otherwise and have given me such a greater picture of who God is. I'm reminded of a quote from Ruth Stull that was quoted by Elisabeth Elliot in my mom's Bible: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a young lad."


So, today, I am having a party for my mom to celebrate the anniversary of the best day ever for her: the day she finally got to see her Savior face to face. I miss her so much. I long for the day when I too will see His beautiful face. Until that day may I be faithful with the blessing of brokenness that He has entrusted to me for His glory.

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG)