This week we had to use some of God's money to pay for the tests that Glenn is going to have to take for school over the next couple of months. The tests are pretty expensive and when we checked our bank account before paying for them we discovered that, after paying for the tests, the amount of money in our bank account would be way lower than we can remember it being for a long time. We actually had to borrow money from one of the kids' bank accounts to cover a couple of bills that are automatically deducted from our account over the next couple of weeks.
My reaction to seeing our bank account almost zero out made me realize that I have been putting too much faith in having money in our bank account and not enough faith in God, the One who actually stores it there. We have needs and we know that God always provides for them. It is easy to trust Him when you know exactly how He is going to do it. Not so easy when you don't. There is no need to worry about us financially. We have a bit of money coming in the near future- an overdue apartment deposit refund for our apartment in Syracuse, reimbursements for things that we've paid for, and our normal disbursement but for the next 2 weeks we are on a mandatory spending freeze.
On our walk to the park for the town band concert after spending all of "our" money I had a talk with myself and reminded myself of whose bank account it really is - God's. Who put the money there? God. Who can both fill it and empty it at times and in ways that make no sense to me? God. I then started hearing Bob Weston, a missionary from Jamaica that used to visit my church when I was a child, singing in my ear, "If you know the Lord is helpin' you, what you got to worry about? If you know the Lord is helping you - why don't you sing and shout? Ohhh, glory hallelujah, praise His name. Everyday He's just the same. If you know the Lord is helpin' you, what you got to worry about?"
The next morning I read My Utmost and it was on "The Discipline of Difficulty." I guess I needed to read it. The last two sentences really stuck out: "The temptation is to face difficulties from a common-sense standpoint. The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God."
So... why do I worry about God's bank account? I don't know. It may have our name on it but it's His. I
"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." John 16:33 MSG