Why is it that God grows you most when you live in the unknown, when you have nowhere to look but up? I don't know but He is really working on me. So many thoughts go through my mind. So many desires, so many questions... I called our landlord on Monday to make sure that they got our letter telling them that we would be out at the end of our lease and got a voicemail back informing me that they had an appointment to show our apartment on Tuesday morning - YIKES! Our apartment was totally not in any state to be shown... between my depression from the unknown coupled with dad's death, coupled with my hatred of packing and my messiness in general. Thankfully I have a friend who has been a lifesaver the last couple of weeks who just happens to be taking a night class at MCC just down the street who didn't really have anything going on for the afternoon. In a couple hours of teamwork at least my floors were found and swept. Having a cleaner house will hopefully also help me to get packing easier. But how do I pack? I have no idea what a "furnished" apartment in Dominica contains... what do I bring? Obviously since we haven't heard from U or R that is how we have to plan... though we haven't heard from Ross either... Please God, move faster! I got an email yesterday called The Navigator and the Map. I think that this is really what God is impressing on my heart... it was all good and I've linked to it if you want to read the whole thing but here are a couple paragraphs:
"Our job as Jesus' followers: trust in the Lord (not in the map), delight yourself in the Lord (not in the map), commit your way to the Lord. Just as I ask my wife, "What's next, honey?" You and I just stay close to our Lord and say, "What's next, Lord? Where's the next step?" My wife doesn't usually tell me the next five turns we're going to need to take; all I really need is to know the next step. That's how your divine Navigator wants to take you through this next phase of the journey, showing you one next step or one turn at a time.
In changing seasons or uncertain seasons, we tend to focus on God's will - that perfect cosmic plan that seems like such a massive mystery. But the focus isn't supposed to be on the plan, but on the Planner - not on the map, but the Navigator. It's easy for God to show you what He wants you to do; it's hard to get you to do what He wants. So these times of choice and challenge are designed to draw you deeper into Him, to motivate you to spend greater amounts of time in God's Word and in God's presence, to get you to release your schemes and dreams so He can lead you into His, to sensitize you to recognize and obey those inner promptings of His Holy Spirit."
My focus needs to be Him, not my problems. One verse that I have been praying constantly lately is 2Chron.20:12b "nor do we know what do to, but our eyes are on you." Be faithful today... be faithful today... that is all He ever calls me to do. Please help me Lord to be faithful today.