Saturday, August 07, 2010
I am not sure that I fit in
Today and tomorrow Glenn is involved in a conference of some sort for family physicians. I am not exactly sure what it is but he and another student are on some board for it. He was in meetings most of the day for it and then tonight there was a catered party that our whole family was invited to. We went but I struggled going. I don't feel like I am up to the level of hanging out with doctors and their spouses. I am not sure why. I have friends who are doctors and who are married to doctors but when it comes to being around doctors that I don't know I feel like I am not going to be good enough. I don't know why. Maybe because we have been students and low income workers for most of our marriage and have been far below the poverty line for so long that I feel I will never attain a higher standard. Maybe my mind hasn't wrapped around the fact that Glenn is finally in medical school and one day he will be a doctor. Maybe it is just because this world is not my home and I am not going to fit in here. Glenn told me that others will accept me but that I need to accept myself. It may be because I don't accept myself and project my unrealistic expectations of myself onto others. I don't know what it is but I pray that God will help me take my eyes off myself and to look to others to see how I can meet their needs and point them to Him. I didn't do that very well tonight but I pray that next time, Lord willing, I will use such an opportunity as a chance to shine for Him and not worry about what others think of me or worry about fitting in.